I wasn't sure whether to get in, or to run away.

Happy 2017! I am currently in Chicago sitting in my favorite coffee shop, reveling in the cold hoodie weather which will only be a part of my reality for two more weeks. I know it's 11 days after January 1st, but ask your friends, yourself, or your favorite bartender about the highs and lows of 2016. It is really an interesting exercise that helps you get to know your lovers, friends, and Uber Drivers. Anywho, I recently stumbled upon this post that I started writing while I was still living in Thailand so I thought I would share. 

                                                 (But first, here is picture of me at my coolest) 

One dismal, quiet afternoon in mid May, I was mindlessly scrolling through Instagram like the 28 year old robot that I am, when I discovered that Lena Dunham was coming out with a new collection of words. I say words because it is not so much a book as it is a compilation of entries from her 2005 diary. She deemed it her Creative Snippets and Observations Journal. Now, I have followed Lena's career, successes, and Instagram feed since I became wrapped up in her show Girls back in 2012.  Girls was the first show that made me feel like it was OK not to have your shit completely together after college. Plopping down on the couch on a Sunday night to watch the characters make similar mistakes to my own has always helped me sleep easier (This isn't in the way that those memes about eating pizza alone in your apartment make you feel better either. It feels more real, like you could run into one of these girls while waiting in line for plan B). One of the major criticisms that I've heard about Girls is, "All of the characters are deplorable."  I do not disagree with this statement; however, I think that is an integral part of the show's charm. You would never proudly proclaim, "I'm a Marnie! I'm a Jessa!" the way you might do with a similar show focusing on four single ladies in New York. The characters' flaws are what make this show so insanely identifiable and refreshing. Would you rather shop for expensive shoes and go to a tiny dog gala OR would you rather watch your friend self destruct outside of a cupcake shop in a mesh tank top on a Wednesday night? I digress. 

Basically, I respect and adore Lena Dunham and was psyched when she came out with, Is it Evil Not to Be Sure? In publishing excerpts from her college diary, Lena's goal was to encourage everyone to write more, even if that means only in short spurts. My goal by writing this post is to do the same for the small group of people who have stumbled upon it. 

"...It would be my belief that young people, young women in particular, must commit their experiences to paper. If for no other reason than this: only you will ever have these particular experiences and we won't want to have lost them after you go...but you may also find, as I did, that the sentences might become the planks that form a raft that drags you ashore, wet and gasping on the welcome beach." 

(For more info read : http://www.lennyletter.com/life/a391/is-it-evil-an-excerpt-from-lenas-college-diary/) 

Here are some of my favorite Lena thoughts: 

"Being in a pet store with him it felt like every animal we saw was our child, but that was probably just me." 

"A boy shared his umbrella with me and I got his name wrong and I loved being able to feel powerful in those two ways."

"I would kiss you, but only if I was sure that afterward you would go away forever."

This little gem of insight inspired me to start writing down short sentences and observations from my time as a late twenty something-or-other, weaving my way in and out of Southeast Asia.  Some of the sentences that I have found myself writing over the past year still surprise even me. Similar to a picture, each simple thought has the ability to bring me back to the exact time, place, and experience. 

Here are a few of my thoughts that are appropriate enough for the internets: 

Before I had time to answer, the old man outside of my apartment was putting suction cups on my back. 

A large man at the Korean gym told me that he was a personal trainer and proceeded to hold my hand while we walked side by side on the treadmill. I realized he wasn't a trainer when he asked if he could come take a shower at my apartment. 

3 AM is not the best time to get on the back of a motorbike driven by a Vietnamese man on meth. 

We were listening to Nicki Minaj sing about her ass in an air-conditioned truck while several old women carried heavy water buckets up a steep hill. I turned down the volume. 


I was in the middle of the street, the motorbike that hit us didn't even stop. All of the shop owners were pointing and staring at me but no one helped. 


Pho is meditation with flavor.

The assistant manager of the hotel sat me down on the roof, started playing Celine Dion songs and talked about the romance of the moon.

Continuing to see him was like forcing myself to read the full story under a tragic headline in the newspaper. 

America is one big bar tab. 

I was walking down my severely uneven street before the wedding with cup of wine in hand. A tiny shop owner made me sit down and fed me street pancakes. 

My Malaysian taxi driver sighed as he told me that he can't take his family to New York anymore. "Donald Trump ruined that option for us." 


I wasn't sure whether to get in, or to  run away. 

Waiting in the skeleton bones of a shack on the water in Borneo, not sure of if our taxi would ever come. 


ANYWAYS, 

My goal of this post is to encourage anyone who is reading this to write a little more in 2017. I don't mean write a Facebook or a Twitter post. I think there is something really special about writing in a journal or on paper. It truly is amazing to look back on the people we were at a certain point in our lives. These small sentences are a great way to start. Do it or don't, but I hope you do. 


I hope everyone is having a lovely year so far. Here is an important update on my life: