Misadventures After a Failed Attempt at Island Life

So, understandably, I have been getting a lot of messages from my friends and family asking me, "What the damn hell is going on with you?" My mother recently sent me a text asking, "Where are you? Malaysia? Manila? " I didn't quite know how to answer because I felt like I was kind of in both. As many of you have probably gathered, my job in Thailand didn't exactly pan out. You know what they say: "Sometimes you take a job on a Thai island and it works out, and sometimes it doesn't." Oh, no one says that? That's just a phrase I made up to make myself feel better? OK well regardless, let's continue.

When I took this job in Ko Samui, I was extremely eager to sneakily slide back into Asia, like a teenager through the window after curfew--as if I had never left.  I was almost back to the desperation levels of 2011 Jess, who motivated by a crippling case of "British man broke my cold dead heart," sought out work as a (near) indentured servant in a South Korean Hagwon. I continued to assure myself that this job in Thailand would work out. How could it not? Sure, the pay was lousy and I had to fund my own flight, but what could go wrong? There was a school website! I had the word of people that I barely knew about the school. What else did I need? I wanted to get back to Asia, and in that moment, I accepted a job I knew little about. When my logical friends questioned my sanity before leaving, I exclaimed, "I would work on that island for free!" Little did I know that I would soon be eating my words like pad see ew.

Soon after I arrived, it became apparent that my school no longer had the funds to pay us. It may sound crazy to those of you who live in the Western world, as we have unions and other such things protecting our teachers. I am sure those of you who have worked internationally before are all shaking your heads, either remembering a time that you fell victim to this, or at least knowing someone who has. As the days wore on, I soon became more stressed out living on an island than I had been in a large, congested city. The morale of the staff was at an all time low. I was sad that I never got the chance to see the school when it was thriving, because I'm sure it was an excellent place to work. It really is a shame. I adored my students. Living across from the ocean wasn't too shabby.  Above all else, I really enjoyed my group of friends on the island. They took me in on day number one and adopted me as their own weird, little bear cub. I am eternally grateful for this.  This particular group of teachers is truly special, dedicated in a way that I have not yet seen. They continuously work day in and day out, even without the promise of a pay date. If I were a person who could work for free--believe me, I would have stayed. Unfortunately, I am unable to go without a paycheck. I have bills. I have student loans. I need to get paid for working. I am sure most of you would agree with me on this one. With all of this being said, I truly believe that no experience is ever really wasted if you come out of it with good friends.

I am currently sitting in my friend's apartment in Kuala Lumpur, recovering from a three day ultimate tournament in Manila. I was astonished that I was able to take my mind off of the job situation AND the election results for three entire days. My constant state of mourning was put on a brief hold. I think ultimate has this effect on most people.  Shout out to my team, who managed to make me smile for (almost) the entirety of the weekend. What a special group of weirdos. #TDD

For now, my plans are very up in the air, as they tend to be. Desperation leads to greatness, right? The situation in Thailand led me to find a second job tutoring Chinese students online. This job is clutch because I can work remotely. I am heading back to Vietnam to substitute teach and work online. Frankly, I am excited to have some more free time in Asia. Will this work out? Will it be forever? Will January bring the apocalypse? Time will tell. I like to look at all of my misadventures as more chapters for my book. Did I ever think that at 28 (and a half) I would be essentially jobless, wandering around Southeast Asia with one suitcase? Probably not, but that is what keeps life interesting.

Please don't see this post as a call for help. I am simply trying to be authentic and tell you that not all Thai island jobs work out. Surprising, I know. For every perfect sunset on Instagram, there are at least 25 pictures that were blurry first. Ya feel me?

Stay tuned for my next post which will hopefully be about how I won the Vietnamese lottery and fell in love with the man of my dreams. (Hey, ya never know)

Love ya lovers, friends, and those who fall into neither category.

JESS

(Probably my favorite teacher moment to date. My 16 year old boys--counter strike obsessed students--wrote me full length cards to say goodbye) 

PS. Shout out to all of my friends who have helped me along the way during this crazy transitional time. I'll get you back one way or another. 

Successfully Failing at Life in the USA

Well folks, I wish that I had a good excuse for not sitting down and writing anything in blog form for the past six months, but I don't. Every time I sit down to write, my fingers magically type N-E-T-F-L-I-X and Californication starts playing for three full hours. It's so strange. I know that you have all been sitting on the edge of your seats, chomping on your finger nails waiting for this post, so I abandoned Hank Moody for a few minutes to type some words. PS- New name, same blog. It might change at any moment, like most of my decisions. 

As many of you know, I recently failed miserably at sustaining life back in the US of A. I had all of these ambitious plans to start attempting to lead a life that might get me back on that normal life timeline that is expected of us Americans, but then I just decided---once again--that it is still not for me. Simple as that. I'm not trying to shame anyone who is totally succeeding at that lifestyle. Good for you guys! It's just not my jam. Do I get semi jealous when I step into a nicely arranged, adult apartment with actual Yankee candles and a fancy coffee machine? Yep (One of my friends who has her shit together apologized to me for not having a nice enough knife to cut the food that she lovingly prepared for me with. I laughed and said, "I don't even own one knife. How can I possibly judge the caliber of knives you are providing me with?") Now, it could be argued that I didn't really give the land of the free a long enough chance to win me over this time. I didn't even wait around for the fall leaves to crunch under my feet, for the entire free world to turn into a pumpkin, or for me to get an Instagram picture at the apple orchard in my over-sized flannel.

It only took about two days of being back home to realize that I needed to go back to Asia. The reverse culture shock hit fast and hard. One major thing that really started to bug me about being home was the advertisements. I never realized how big of a problem it was until I left and came back. Everyone is trying to sell you something, and not only something, but the biggest and best something! "Do you want a cheeseburger? OK! How about we add three more patties and make it cheaper! $0.99 for four patties! Do you need a hose? Make it the biggest and most expensive one! How about a new truck? You need the flashiest one on the road! Buy today and save on a super sized fry holder! Put a down payment on new tile floors from Menards! Only $399 for six months and you get added matching curtains!" I think you probably know this about me but I don't know if I will ever be someone who puts a down payment on anything---let alone tile from Menards. Watching ads is tiring. So much of these ads stress the importance of "stuff" and I am not big on owning stuff. Even if I were into stuff, I couldn't afford it anyway...shout out to student loans! 

Other weird things about being home (I'm starting to get lazy now, hence the list) 

-Being able to understand what everyone is saying. Frankly, it's a burden. Especially troublesome are the conversations in which parents are screaming at their kids or when the youths are discussing anything at all...JK they just sit across from each other and text  LMFAO AF 

-The "no gun" stickers literally everywhere. I thought that there were places where it should just be assumed but apparently the American public has made it necessary to hang these stickers in places like the gym, the YMCA, Whole Foods,etc. I can just see all of the white suburban mothers with their handguns parading the aisles of Whole Foods in an attempt to get the last pack of gluten free pumpkin muffins. 

-I was watching an ad for what I thought was a boxing match and it turned out to be a campaign ad. Is this a joke? Wait...

-The ridiculous prices. I think this is a given but holy shit! Can't a girl get a beer for less than $9 anymore? 

-Talking to new people can be hard without the commonality of travel.

- "You can have a giant burrito with fries for $3 or a small salad for $25. Don't get fat though! This country has an insane standard of beauty even though we insist on feeding you crap. Look at this billboard of a model while you eat that burrito!" 

-Everyone is still really concerned for my poor, single soul. When I meet up with old friends, the first question I usually get asked is, "Soooooo is there someone special? Are you nervous you won't find someone?" If I was really that worried, I wouldn't be living in Asia where white women are basically invisible garbage. Why don't you ask me something about my travel experience or my job? That would be greeeeeat. 

-Friends tend to say things like, "You can never leave this country again! We are going to hang out every single day!" Upon saying this, they will require that I drive hours to see them or will never make the effort when I am home. I think me being in the country tends to be more of a comfort for people. 

-Donald Trump has actually gotten this far. C'mon select American humans. You're making us look bad all over the world. 

Now please don't get me wrong, there are a few foods things in America that I would be absolutely lost without. My friends and family still rock. I will never get enough of them. My dad and I walked to the coffee shop every single morning that I was sleeping at my childhood home and he is still the best person on the planet. My mom still bakes the best cookies this side of the tracks and always gets sad when I leave. It's nice having one of my brothers at home because it feels like we are back to being kids--but with beers!  I love wandering in and out of taco joints around Pilsen at 3 AM to find the best guacamole, drinking beers on patios, stoops, porches with my ultimate Chicago dude crew, being able to pet strangers' Golden Retrievers without fear of contracting an illness, hiking the gorgeous mountains in Colorado, live music, kayaking with my old ultimate ladies in South Dakota, accessibility to quality cheese and meats in the Wisconsin gas stations, wandering aimlessly around Target, camping and drinking crappy college grade beer under the stars, road trips...the list goes on. However, as my good friend Emily Flanders used to say, the juice just wasn't worth the squeeze.

I have been in Ko Samui, Thailand for about a month now. You have probably seen the annoying sunset pictures. Life is simple here and that's how I like it. I drive my motorbike less than five minutes to work every day. I get to swim in the pool or in the ocean when it's not jellyfish season whenever I feel like it. I eat the shit out of all the cheap Thai food I want. I have made some stellar new friends and I even started doing Crossfit...don't worry I will never mention it again. I really love my students at the new school. It's a small school, but it feels more like the mom and pop shop to the corporation I was last at. I really enjoy working for people that are so passionate about the school. 

Do I miss home? Of course I do. I even had to miss my beautiful cousin's wedding to come here. I had a good cry looking at all of the pictures. That stuff sucks and it's never easy.

Do I miss Vietnam? Of course, especially the pho, the pay, and the people. However, right now, I am somewhere new and I'm happy that I made another one of my impulsive decisions...for me, right now it is a much better choice than new tile floors. 

Adios amigos! As always, you are encouraged to come visit me. Thailand is beautiful. See? 

Don't you just love pictures of feet?

My new backyard

                                                  The real reason I can't make it in America...

Some good tunes:

http://www.npr.org/event/music/137392548/the-civil-wars-tiny-desk-concert?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=nprmusic&utm_term=music&utm_content=20160925

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxyBhnbV77E&list=PLY4gRtK2vPT2QUarsreKW1kKC0d2PPYeC 

Sri Lankaahhhh

Sri Lanka, Sri Lanka, Sri Lanka...what can I possibly write down to do this country any justice? Granted, I was only able to waddle around in its glory for seven short days, but even in that short time, I was able to feel the magic. To be honest, before moving to Asia, Sri Lanka was never on my radar as a place to visit. It just recently occurred to me that I better get my ass into gear and get there before my short time in Asia runs out like that sand timer in the Wizard of Oz.

Here are the facts that I knew about Sri Lanka before going: MIA is Sri Lankan. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-Nw7HbaeWY

**As always, scroll to the bottom if you want the cliff notes**

It was only when I stepped foot into Sri Lanka that I realized how much I needed to be there. The only thing that I had arranged before arriving was my hostel for night numero uno. I wanted to wing the whole week and take advantage of traveling solo. I absolutely love human beings, but I also absolutely love being able to do whatever the hell I want when I want to (aka go on street food crawls by myself). 

I had a layover in Kuala Lumpur for about 14 hours and so Perry, Allison and I did what every well traveled American would do...ate at Chili's. We walked around the city, took a few selfies in front of the Petronas towers, and marveled at the exotic snacks in the Malaysian 7-11. America, I'm really surprised and, quite frankly, appalled that you have yet to bring the hot mashed potato and gravy dispenser to us.  I said my hen gap lais to Per and Allison and headed to the airport. I arrived in Colombo at 11:30 PM and immediately was berated with several different taxi options for the entirety of my stay. Now, let me reiterate the fact that I have never, nor will ever be, a wealthy individual. However, it just so happens that private drivers for six days are an affordable luxury for middle school teachers with ball and chain style student loan debt. I was told that my taxi driver would pick me up at my hostel at 9 AM to begin our journey. I had no idea where we were headed but I had a few ideas and a lot of misguided optimism, so I was ready. On the way from the airport to my hostel, the conversation between my taxi driver and I went like this: 

"Where are you from?"

"America..Chicago."

"Oh Chicago! Bang bang! Very dangerous."

"Yes sir, much more dangerous than Asia."
"How old are you?"
"27"

"Ah. Still young. So your husband is in Chicago or is he meeting you at the hotel? Where is he?"

"I don't have one."

"Where is your boyfriend then?"

"Nope boyfriend either. Just me. ALL ALONE ::eats feelings::"

"Oh that is very strange. You have a Diana face. Do you like Donald Trump?"

This was the first of many conversations in Sri Lanka that ended with either disgust at my relationship status or about our presidential candidate options.

I arrived at my hostel at about 1 AM, exhausted, dehydrated and ready to count sheep on any flat surface. The hotel attendant showed me to my room and I soon realized that every inhabitant was a dude. I didn't know if this was a mixed dorm or if they had just thrown me into the male dorm, but I was too tired to care. I fell asleep under the dim light of some violent computer games.






The next day, I woke up early and walked to the beach for a few minutes, ate some breakfast and then met my driver who informed me that we would be going to Sigiriya Rock and staying nearby for the night. On the way to Sigiriya, we stopped at an small elephant camp in Pinnawala. Now, there is a more well known elephant orphanage in Pinnawala, but my driver insisted that this one was better and more humane. About three minutes after entering this camp, I walked out of it. The elephants seemed unhappy, chained up, and were simply riding humans around in circles while being followed by a mahout with a whip. The humane care of elephants is always something that I struggle with so I just made the choice to go with my gut and bounce out of that one. My driver was confused as to why I only spent a few minutes at the camp and when I explained, he seemed to understand. About thirty minutes later we arrived at Sigiriya rock. I recommend this hike to anyone who goes to Sri Lanka. As I ascended higher, I found myself singing "The Circle of Life" to myself with increasing enthusiasm. When I arrived at the top, I lost all sense of shame and was actually just singing, "AHHHseyvenyaa" out loud. Another perk to traveling solo---you don't have to worry about embarrassing anyone but yourself. The top of Sigiriya was astoundingly beautiful and allowed me to nerd out a bit--there is an old citadel at the top and it was used as a Buddhist monastery through the 14th century.

If you want to read more on this cool rock, click here : The Lion Rock!

After wandering around and staring at some monkeys at the bottom of the The Lion Rock, I hopped back in the car and my driver asked me where I would be staying that night. Now, here is where the 3G sim card came in handy. I hopped on Agoda and booked a random, cheap hotel that seemed to have good reviews. Now, this hotel was in Dambulla, Sri Lanka and I was sure that my driver knew the exact location. You know what they say about assuming? We got lost about five times and finally, when we got the hotel on the phone, they directed us about two kilometers in from the main road, down a long, narrow dirt pathway. When we arrived at Randeniweva Resort, I was greeted by locals bathing in the river, yelling and laughing at me. Standard. The hotel was far enough away from civilization that I don't think many tall, blonde chicks stumble into town very often. The two guys running the hotel were super friendly and set up a fishing pole for me so that I could embarrass myself in front of those same bathing locals---giving them an actual reason to laugh...and laugh they did.  After an unsuccessful fishing session, I resentfully ate some fish that some talented fisherman had caught earlier in the day. Fuck you, other fish.  That night I went to bed early but not before having some technical difficulties with my shower. This happened four times: Got into shower. Air conditioner turned off. Shower turned off. Lights turned off. Hotel guys came up to help and immediately turned everything back on. After time number three I began to think that they were up to something...

Helping to set me up for failure

The next day we were on the road early headed to Kandy and Nuwara Eliya. It took about two and a half hours to drive to Kandy from Dambulla. We arrived at a Buddhist temple called Relic of the Tooth, which looked lovely from the outside but I admittedly didn't go inside. I just wanted some time to myself to walk around the city and grab a coffee. I was meandering around a beautiful park full of gorgeous birds when I happened upon a quaint little coffee shop called The Empire Cafe. It was lovely and there was another white girl inside! Imagine that! Upon realizing this similarity, I started up a conversation with the wonderful Sarah Miller. We bonded over a love of tea, the Midwest, and our basic bitch names. I invited Sarah to hop in the car with me to go to the botanical gardens. We walked around, sweating and competing for the best Snapchat stories. We saw some orchids and it was dope. 

Kandy is sweet 

After bidding adieu to my new friend, the car headed to Nuwara Eliya for the evening. Once again, I did not have a hotel booked but figured I could just show up somewhere and rest my weary head. We stopped at a breathtaking waterfall and then flew up some winding mountain roads where my anxiety was at its peak...but subdued by the gorgeous sunset. One of those moments where you think, "Well if I fly off of this cliff, at least there will be a stunning backdrop..." 

We arrived in Nuwara Eliya and even in the dark, I immediately felt nostalgic for my short life in England. It was founded in the 19th century by the British so that explains the architecture, mass tea consumption, and my immediate love of the place. Nuwara Eliya is known as the "Little England" of Sri Lanka and is known to be the most important place in Sri Lanka in terms of tea production.  The assistant manager of the hotel I plopped my bags at, Janith, was lovely and took me out for the most amazing meal of the trip. He was extremely kind and later showed me up to the roof where he played me some of his favorite American tunes (Enrique, Eminem, Adele, and of course...Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On"). He seemed almost offended by my lack of love life and also was continuously commenting on how cool it was that I just "got a nose ring." It was getting late and when he started to mention the romance of the moon, I decided it was time for me to get some shut eye. 

At 4 AM, I awoke and hopped in the car, groggy as hell and trying to psyche myself up about a 9KM uphill hike to World's End in Horton Plains National Park. If you go to World's End, get there early! There are a shit ton of tourists and they have yet to figure out a logistical system for getting people into the park so I waited for an hour in a line full of confused white people. Regardless, Horton Plains was absolutely gorgeous and reminded me of what The Lion King books have told me that Africa might look like. I loved this hike and I think the reason was because I was totally alone. I could go at my own pace and stop to take pictures wherever I wanted. The only thing that would have been helpful was someone to remind me to pack food and water. By the time I reached Baker's Falls, I was so thirsty I thought about just jumping into the waterfall and drinking the whole thing. Instead, I met two elderly British guardian angels who gave me a water bottle and a cake. I am continuously astounded by the kindness of strangers. They obviously were thinking, "Wow this poor twenty something isn't capable of adulthood yet. Let us feed her." Energized by the snacks and power of human kindness, I nearly ran back to the car. 

I told my driver (asshole comment of the day) that I wanted to get to Galle next. He warned me that it was a six hour car ride and I reminded him that I am a master of being in the back of a car for a long time. I had originally planned to go to Yala National Park on the way down to Galle but changed my mind last minute because I had read some negative reviews, knew it was expensive, and was told there was only a slight chance that I might see a leopard. On the drive down, my choice was validated when we ran into a wild elephant who was trying to cross the road out of Udawalawe National Park. It continues to amaze me how fast locals are to capilitalize on opportunities to make money in Southeast Asia. It seemed like the beautiful beast had just recently stumbled across this certain spot on the road, and locals were already selling bananas to feed it. I just admired the pachyderm and set my sights on Galle. 

We arrived in Galle just as the stars were peaking out.  I had booked a hostel that was unmarked and down a suspicious alley (look for my memoir, Down A Suspicious Alley: The Jessica Daniels story out later this month). It ended up being totally fine and complete with a flesh sucking fish station, so I was happy. I stuck my feet in the fish tank, got some dinner while watching the street as all of the power went out, wandered around the beach, and drank tea at a hotel before falling asleep. I woke up early, walked around the fort and made a new friend who was sporting a Yankees hat. He told me all about the history of Galle, which includes the tale of a tragic tsunami that hit in 2004. Galle was protected by the Dutch fort, but several surrounding cities were destroyed. Later that morning, I found myself in an amazing jewelry shop called Orchid House where I was served bottomless tea and where I eventually bought too much jewelry. While I was in the jewelry shop, I ran into a lovely man who owned a guest house on Mirissa Beach. I told him I was interested in staying in Mirissa and he said, "I'll book you a room for tonight." It was as simple as that. That night I found myself at Club Mirissa in Mirissa Beach. It is a lovely B&B that I would recommend to everyone. 

I went to the beach and found myself surrounded by tumultuous waves. I was so happy to be swimming that I decided to ignore the strength of the waves. There was a moment where I was pulled under for a few more seconds that I was comfortable with. I got up, inevitably flashed several beach goers, and decided that it was time for my first alcoholic beverage of the vacation. I sipped mojitos and read at a beach bar where it was apparently rude to read a book and be a girl. The manager of the bar was continuously questioning why I was reading and "why I was all alone?" Let me read bro, this isn't the Beauty and The Beast. 

The next day, my solo travels came to and end when my super human friend, Elizabeth, joined me on the beach. We spent the night chatting at a beach bar while eating some delicious spring rolls and did pretty much the exact same thing the entire next day (Eat all of the roti!). On our final morning of vacation, we went whale/dolphin watching! We were given tuna sandwiches(awkward) and Dramamine for breakfast and it took us three hours to slowly tread out to whale territory. We saw a ton of dolphins but after an hour, I was feeling pessimistic about our whale spotting opportunities. Just when I was about to lose hope, our captain shouted, "LOOK AT THAT TAIL." I shoved everyone out of the way and ran to the front of the boat, exclaiming, "I will see this whale before all of you!" Just kidding, I slowly mosied to the side of the boat and saw the tail of the glorious beast...twice. All of those hours on the boat and my rupees were worth it! On the way back, our boat died and we had to be towed by another, slower boat. #southeastasiaboatproblems

Our journey to the Colombo airport was a bit terrifying as our driver obviously was not aware of speed limits or those white lines in the middle of the road. It was OK though because we were joined by Darren and he played us some sweet tunes on his phone and we finally listened to MIA in Sri Lanka. If I died in a car crash in Sri Lanka while MIA was playing, I would be fine with that obituary. 

On Sunday, the amazing Murali picked Elizabeth and I up at the KL airport and took us to his local dosa spot. He gave us a place to nap and we got some shopping in. We arrived back in Ho Chi Minh City, happy to be home but sad to have left such an incredible place behind. 

I know this post was long enough to constitute an entire year in Sri Lanka, but it was a mere seven days. 

**Important Cliff Notes**

Places to visit: Sigiriya, Kandy, Nuwara Eliya, Galle, and Mirissa Beach. I can't speak on any other places but am more than willing to give you my limited advice on each place. I was only in each spot (excluding Mirissa) for about a day, so I can give you all I've got. 

*Skip the elephant orphanage 

*If you are on Mirissa Beach, eat here for as many meals as possible : 

https://www.tripadvisor.com/Restaurant_Review-g1407334-d2007581-Reviews-Dewmini_Roti_Shop-Mirissa_Southern_Province.html

Sri Lanka is an astonishingly beautiful country that has (for the most part) not yet been ravaged by Western culture. Go visit as soon as you possibly can. It is safe and the absolute best thing about it is the people. Every single person that I met was helpful and willing to give me information and advice about their country. Despite being very curious about my love life, they were the most helpful and genuine humans in the world. 

Buy a plane ticket today!

Stay tuned for: A few PG sentences reviewing my time in Boracay! It was honestly the most fun I have had in my entire life...and you guys know how much fun I am capable of having! 

Cheers and listen to the new Lumineers album now. 

Time left in Vietnam: 1.5 months :( 

"Four Countries in Two Weeks is Too Stressful," and Other Ridiculous Expat Complaints

Chuc mung nam moi (blog started: early February, blog posted: almost April)

Here I sit in the corner of a coffee shop with full length windows as to allow the shining sun to cast a debilitatingly perfect glare on my computer screen. There is a Vietnamese family in the direct opposite corner and they are teaching their daughter how to play the ukulele. I have a strong urge to join in on this lesson because I haven't been practicing and this dad seems like a legit teacher.

Goal: write a song that isn't just singing Vietnammm.com reviews and random chords strung together.

So we were just on Tet Holiday which meant that I had another two weeks off to explore this continent that I will only call home for another four months. This vacation was a little too hectic for my liking, but it was a vacation all the same. I had two friends from home, Ashley and Flounder, come to visit and I packed in four different countries in two weeks. Rough life, eh?


Singapore

Before meeting Ash and Flounder in Hong Kong, I flew over to Singapore for Laneway Music Festival for the weekend. The moment I stepped off of the plane, my pockets were lighter. I have this horrible habit of treating currency in other countries like monopoly money. This sounds douchey, but I assure you that I have no room to do this. 75% of my body weight is student loan debt. Sam and Josh let me stay in their swanky apartment for the weekend and we spent Saturday drinking champagne and listening to the bands we were about to see on some speakers while staring aimlessly into the ocean. Singapore feels like a city that was imagined by a group of ritzy scientists from the future. It is impeccably clean and safe, so naturally, it's not for me. Basically, I could never live there because they don't sell chewing gum. I had a pack in my purse before heading over and I felt like a drug smuggler.




Laneway was amazing, although I missed the band that I wanted to see the most, Beach House. Grimes and Chvches were both astounding and we were able to trounce through the muddy fields to inch up to the front of the show. After about seven hours of mud dancing, we went out with the rugby dudes from Singapore and that ended with me starting a rowdy game of never have I ever on the streets with a group of random humans. I wonder at what age I will stop my aggressive never have I ever habits. I hope it's not 28.







The next day was spent sipping over priced coffee near the water, enjoying the freedom of being able to walk without the possibility of a motorbike running me over, and eating Hawker stand food by the beach. I will be back in Singapore very soon and I hope to get a better feel of the city (update: I saw Bon Iver and ate breakfast with Orangutans at the Singapore Zoo during this weekend I'm referring to here so I can officially die happy).

Hong Kong

Reluctant to leave the butterfly gardens and steam bun filled Singapore airport, I hopped on a 8 AM flight to Hong Kong to meet up with Ash and Flounder. When I stepped into the HK airport, I was immediately reminded of Korea. The existence of a subway system. The efficiency. The excessive pushing.

I rode the subway (WITH WIFI WHAT?) all the way to a nice personal van which dropped me in front of the Sheraton (Shout out to Flounder's mom for getting us a room at the Sheraton which I could never otherwise afford) . I was ecstatic with the prospect of seeing my friends from home and I bolted up the gold escalator to greet them. The smell of adventure was in the air and we set out on our first journey. About twenty minutes into said journey it started raining and we nestled ourselves into the closest dark, warm space we could find...which just happened to be a brew house. Now, beers in Hong Kong are 10 dollars but they also have double IPAs so it's a lose win. We sat and chatted like there hadn't been any time spent apart. We cracked peanuts onto the dirty bar floor and read cheesy made up quotes from famous Americans on the walls. We set out looking to find a new adventure...and ended up at another brewery. This brewery was legit and to prove it I will tell you one fact; it had a jukebox.


(Hong Kong Brew House and Craft Beer and Co. )

The rest of the days in Hong Kong were a blur of me complaining about the cold (55 degrees F) and eating dumplings. I literally do not own a pair of pants so it was an interesting trip. I went to the Ritz Carlton Hong Kong wearing leggings and gym shoes...why am I still single you ask? Here are some pics of the trip:

 Creepin' hard

Give me street dim sum, or give me death -George Washington

Din Tai Fung, how do I breathe without you? 

I decided that it was about time that my friends become exposed to my hectic Saigon life style, so we flew back to Saigon for a few days before jetting off to Thailand. I often get wrapped up in the negatives of this city and usually, all it takes is having visitors to remind me of its many charms. The fity cent beers. The freedom to drink said beers on the streets. The people. The tiny chairs. The fresh, authentic food around every corner. The fact that not a day goes by where I don't see five things on the street that make me say, "What the damn hell was that?" We ate street food, drank beers, and became a part of the organized chaos of this strange little planet called Ho Chi Minh City for a mere three days.

After Saigon, we flew out to Thailand for a week. Sometimes, I get so used to the ridiculousness that comes with traveling in SE Asia that I forget to warn my Asia virgin friends of the complications that can come with flying and then busing and boating and then smaller speed boating and motorbiking and walking down dark gravely alleys with backpacks full to the brim-ing. All of this just makes sense to me now somehow, like riding the subway, but I forget what it's like to be new and excitedly confused by it all.

We spent two nights in Bangkok, once again eating street food and drinking street beers, throwing our baht around like we owned the place. Thailand is my favorite country in Asia so obviously I was thrilled to show my friends from home this magical land. Since we were in my favorite country, I wanted to show them the best place that I have found thus far: Ko Pha Ngan island. Now some people immediately think of The Full Moon Party when they think of KPN, and in that case I would be quick to say, "BUT there's a whole different side of the island, guys! Just stay away from Haad Rin unless you feel like burning your leg on a jumping rope of fire, waking up with your sheets looking like a highlighter, and drinking bucket vodka like it's your freshman year orientation."  We stayed on Haad Yao beach and woke up every morning to this view:



And drank these:


And I took Ash here, because it's the best place on Ko Pha Ngan...managed by Chai, one of the nicest people I've ever met. Stay at Golden Hill resort if you ever make it to this place:


There were a few mishaps while staying on KPN, mostly involving motorbikes. Warning: when you go to Thailand, don't rent a motorbike unless you are willing to pay big bhats for repair on even just a scrape. I should have been much more weary of renting brand new, beautiful motorbikes but my desire to cruise the island took precedence over my better judgement. Just don't rent new motorbikes in Thailand, OK?

We returned to Bangkok, and I drank tequila in preparation got ready to play at the Bangkok Hat which ended up being an insane blast...no surprises there (Thanks, Tri and co). Tournaments like these make me question why I am making the crazy choice to leave Asia. The weekend was full of new and familiar faces, ultimate in 95 degree weather, lunches on banana leaves, g&t towers, boat races, and Changs changs changs. My team was not only amazing, but we also had a great time together. Extreme competitiveness in ultimate is the reason that I shied away for so long (that along with my busted ass knees) so I always appreciate a team that is the perfect balance of fun loving and competitive. Ultimate really is my true love even if we fight on occasion because I will never be good enough for him. We played in the semi finals but at that point I was pretty much just sweat and sunburn. My sole motivation for finishing the game soon became the kegs on the side of the field.

The rest of Sunday night, February 14th, a day dedicated to ever lasting love and devotion, was appropriately spent with my one and only---Ashley Betke. We got tattoos in a tiny shanty on a random Bangkok side street, played shuffleboard with some ultimate ultimate folk, and ended up at a bar called "Spanky's" with some cool dudes. Any night that ends in a bar called Spanky's is alright in my book. We went back to our over-sized hotel and at 4 AM I tried to hold back the tears as I let the elusive Ashley Betke leave my sight. I know I tend to exaggerate most everything, but I can easily say that it was the best Valentine's Day to date. Major props to everyone involved.



Tune in next time for my next episode: SRI LANKA AND WHY YOU ALL NEED TO GET ON THE NEXT PLANE THERE IMMEDIATELY


Count down to moving back to the land that I will inevitably move back away from: T minus 2.5 months! You can find me crying in the peanut butter section of Whole Foods.

[Mostly] Indonesia

Happy 2016, Facebook scrollers! As I sit in this Paris Baguette watching Korean families eat strange bacon infused sweet bread, I have finally found the inspiration to write about some recent life events.  Brace yourselves.

For those of you who have been dying to hear about my life, my update for January 2016 is juicy: I'm still single, I still don't have a 401k, and surprisingly despite these two things, I'm still alive.

You can stop reading here if you were only reading this to figure out if I had a 401k yet.

INDONESIA (honorable mention to Kuala Lumpur) 

Kuala Lumpur for one night:  Embarrassingly, we spent almost our entire time in Chili's making love to unlimited chips and salsa. Anyone who has lived in Asia for an extended amount of time understands this. There are restaurants that you would never consider going to in the USA that immediately become romanticized when you enter Asia. I'm pretty sure heaven is a place on earth (Taco Bell in Itaewon, Seoul). With that being said, we did later enjoy some amazing noodles in China Town, KL and saw a beautiful view at Sky Bar.

So, despite my blood lust for deep dish pizza, I decided to travel to Indonesia for the Christmas holiday instead of making the 22 hour long journey back to Chicago. The minute that I arrived in Kuta, Lombok, I knew that I had made the right choice. I had two solid travel buddies with me, which is always key.

One thing that I have learned over the past few years is that you might be best friends with someone in real life, but incompatible during travel life. The most important thing to remember about this is that it's OK to admit that you might not be the best travel compadres. Like most things in life, don't force travel friendships. Vacation is about you. Pick your travel buddies carefully.

Kuta

If you are traveling to Indonesia, Kuta, Lombok is a must stop (Note: do not confuse with Kuta, Bali). Kuta is in south Lombok and is a cute little surfer town with amazing restaurants, beautiful beaches, and miles and kilometers of motorbikable roads. We stayed in Kuta for four days and this was a perfect amount of time. Would I have liked to stay longer? Of course, but this is true of virtually every place I travel. We spent our days motorbiking around the island to find hidden coves to chow down on pineapple pops while adorable Indonesian children played tricks on us. Snackin' with ravenous flies was more bearable with this view:



Other notable occurrences:  
-Went to Christmas Eve dinner at the Novotel and while we were disappointed with the food, we were impressed with the Indonesian Santa Claus who busted in on a horse carriage adorned with oh so classy LED lights.
-I went "kneeling awkwardly on a wet board for three seconds"/surfing for the first time. Surfing is one of those sports that I wish I would have been exposed to at a young age but it just wasn't in the cards for a middle of the USA kinda girl like me.
-Swam to ocean swings while drinking homemade palm wine
-Ate more gado gado than I thought was physically possible (also I never actually knew this food existed prior to my vacation, so there's that)

Spots to check out:
The Barrell  It's seems like merely a small surf shop with a black wooden surfboard outside to alert you of its presence, but this is a Kuta gem.  The staff is amazingly friendly and the surf lessons offered are top notch. If you go, ask for a dude named Aussie. He showed us around the island, took us to a hidden cove for palm wine after surfing, and helped us find motorbikes to ride around for all four days. He also hosts whiskey guitar parties in his front yard. If there was a Yelp for Kuta, this spot would be #1.
The Corner Cafe  
This cute little shop has delicious green teas, unique gifts, and is a perfect atmosphere to write your next children's book for adults!
Surfer Bar
Kuta is one of those beach towns where there is usually only one main party per night and it switches between venues. Surfer bar is one of the best with cheap Bintangs, eccentric staff, and great reggae tunes.
Shipwrecked
This is the late night spot where everyone will inevitably end up after aforementioned main party.
Warung Mario's 
We were drawn to this place with the promise of pina coladas out of a pineapple. Gimmicky and delicious! This place has an excellent fresh fish BBQ and super cool staff.
Krnk
This picture speaks for itself.

Sari Inn
Sari Inn was just a 15 minute walk from all of the Kuta night life action and was a quaint little hotel. They were accommodating and we essentially had our own two bedroom apartment for four days.

UP TO BALI
After Kuta, we met up with three of our Gaelic football buddies at a private villa to celebrate Christmas (I promise it's not as douchey as it sounds. Asia is cheap, come check it out for yourselves).

Here is how I spent my Christmas Day:
-Woke up to a tropical rain storm and took a van to the Lombok airport. The van even had bluetooth so Heather played some nice, dirty rap for our driver. He really loved the f word and throwing his hands up in the air like he just don't care. Let me tell you, listening to Nicki Minaj sing about her ass while local Indonesian ladies carry buckets of water on their heads is quite the juxtaposition of emotions.

-Ate some chicken and rice while attempting to Skype with my family in the airport. They were at my Aunt Marge's annual Christmas Eve party. I've never wanted a perogi more in my entire life.
-Indulged in a peppermint mocha at the Starbucks at the Bali airport (How am I supposed to feel like it's Christmas without sugar, chocolate, and brand names?)
-A Balinese man picked us up in his van and drove us about three hours to our villa. He was so accommodating and stopped for food, snacks, and even answered Heather every time she asked if "we were there yet."
-Drank Luwak poop coffee in the rice fields...poop in your coffee is expensive y'all
-Were greeted with massages by the ocean (thanks Alyson and Lynda for setting that up)
-Ate a giant Indonesian Christmas dinner and exchanged small gifts
-Watched the mother f'ing Lion King before bed

It was a Merry Christmas indeed. This is not to say that I didn't miss home. Being away from Target  pizza beards  home on Christmas is never fun, so you need a villa like this to distract you:

Northern Bali is beautiful. Heather and I rode a motorbike to Sekumpul Waterfall on boxing day and it was stunning. Instead of words I will show you:

After Northern Bali, Heather and I headed down to Ubud AKA the Love part of Eat, Pray, Love (I only ever made it through the Eat part of that book, so I was in for a treat. Pretty sure my travel memoir would be titled Eat. Think about eating. Eat). Ubud was superb. It is full of loads of yoga studios, holistic health shops, dress shops, and more yoga studios. We stayed in Ubud for three days and I feel like it definitely wasn't enough time. It is a place that I could see myself living in for a long term stint.

If you are in in Ubud, you must: 
-Hike up Mount Batur at sunrise and play with the monkeys. They can be a bit vicious, so be weary of those fools.  One of them tried to steal my hat and attempted to slap me in the face. Make sure you catch those banana eaters on a good day.
-Eat at Clear Cafe. Excellent, healthy food and it's even endorsed by Michael Franti so you know it must be radical.
-Just shop around. Explore. Ubud is a chill, excellent place and I would recommend it to anyone. It is a bit touristy, but it's charm is undeniable.
Places to stay: 
Sri Bungalows: It was an excellent life choice to stay here. Free breakfast, outstanding pool, and spacious air conditioned rooms. It is also close to an amazing cafe called Watercress. Check it out.
Ani's Villas: This spot was situated amongst the lush jungly area of Ubud and right below Clear Cafe. A double whammy. The pool was superb and had statues spitting out water so you know it's luxurious as hell.

GILI AIR (no notable mention to Gili T- which blows)

After we were full of green juice and a new sense of self (if there was a sarcastic font it would be used for that last sentence), Heather and I headed back down to the Gili Islands. We did this whole trip backwards, but as the youths are saying these days YOLO. We were driven to a tiny port town on the edge of Bali and waited in a never ending line of smelly backpackers to get on our fast boat. We arrived on Gili Air and met back up with Marianna who had been doing a diving course for three days. Thanks to Marianna, we had four new friends to hang out with and thank god, because I'm awful at making friends. We watched the sunset on bean bags at a chill bar called Mowie's (Mourie's?) and then had an amazing fish BBQ at a beach bar called Chill Out. The rest of the night was pretty hilarious and all of us somehow ended up at the giant house of the owner of half of the island. This is a family friendly blog so I am leaving out details. Contact me for more information.




The next day (New Year's Eve) we made a crucial mistake. We decided to try to go to Gili T for New Years. This is why it's important to do travel research. The island was no where as nice as Gili Air and it had 300% more idiotic backpackers wearing Native American headdresses . Luckily, my stunningly forgiving friends Sam and Bill met us there to add to our misery train. The prices on the island were jacked up as they knew how to capitalize on the stupid travelers who thought that Gili T would be a nice place to spend New Years (me). Despite our negative feelings towards Gili T, New Years Eve was a good time because of who we were with. I could probably be in a tank of fire ant snake hybrids with these humans and still have a good New Years. Alas, we were not in said fire snake tank, but at Sama Sama reggae bar. That place was legit, so if you happen to find yourself stranded on Gili T, go there.

After less than 24 hours, we took a boat back to Gili Air. We spent our last true night of vacation having a delicious meal on the beach with those friends that Marianna made for us ;) In the morning, we drank coffee and coconuts and smoothies and all the beverages at Scalywag's beach bar. One major perk of Gili Air is that you can snorkel directly off the island and you don't need no boat to take yo ass out further into sea, yo.

Once again, we were driven to the Lombok airport by a man who was blasting Bryan Adams and stopped to get us street fish satay. We drove down winding roads and swerved to avoid the hundreds of curious monkeys that just wanted some processed food provided by humans.

Reluctant and with about 50 new sarongs, we boarded a plane back to KL. We stayed the night at a hotel near the airport and got some much needed air conditioning and rest. When we got to the KL airport, we almost missed out flight because we couldn't stop eating our Nando's. Can you blame us?

What you should take from this entire blog post: 

Go to Kuta, Lombok
Eat as much gado gado as possible
Never go to Gili T, stay on Gili Air, save yourselves!
Ubud is Uhmazing (that didn't work did it?)
What's a 401k?

Cheers my friends. If I haven't seen you in a month plus, I miss you.
If I see you on a daily basis, thanks for reading this thang.

IN OTHER NEWS, I ONLY HAVE FIVE MORE MONTHS LEFT IN ASIA!

BRB eating all the pho....


A few days ago, my wonder friend Sam Rivera sent me this article:

http://matadornetwork.com/change/dont-women-celebrate-travel-accomplishments-way-celebrate-engagements/  

 It discusses why our society should start recognizing the travel accomplishments of women instead of constantly praising engagements, marriages, and popping out miniature drunk adults. Don't get me wrong, I love when my friends get engaged--it means I get to go to a wedding and see people celebrate what it means to be encompassed by everlasting love (cough open bar cough). I can just relate to this article in a big way. I mean,  the most Facebook likes that I have ever gotten on one picture came from a fake engagement photo my lovely co-worker Alex Tat posted on my behalf. I have seen so many amazing things during my travels, but people in my social media jungle were more excited about a fake ring on a fake finger next to a fake ocean. Give the article a read if, like me, traveling and being single is your jam.

Hen Gap Lai, loves.