Sri Lankaahhhh

Sri Lanka, Sri Lanka, Sri Lanka...what can I possibly write down to do this country any justice? Granted, I was only able to waddle around in its glory for seven short days, but even in that short time, I was able to feel the magic. To be honest, before moving to Asia, Sri Lanka was never on my radar as a place to visit. It just recently occurred to me that I better get my ass into gear and get there before my short time in Asia runs out like that sand timer in the Wizard of Oz.

Here are the facts that I knew about Sri Lanka before going: MIA is Sri Lankan. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-Nw7HbaeWY

**As always, scroll to the bottom if you want the cliff notes**

It was only when I stepped foot into Sri Lanka that I realized how much I needed to be there. The only thing that I had arranged before arriving was my hostel for night numero uno. I wanted to wing the whole week and take advantage of traveling solo. I absolutely love human beings, but I also absolutely love being able to do whatever the hell I want when I want to (aka go on street food crawls by myself). 

I had a layover in Kuala Lumpur for about 14 hours and so Perry, Allison and I did what every well traveled American would do...ate at Chili's. We walked around the city, took a few selfies in front of the Petronas towers, and marveled at the exotic snacks in the Malaysian 7-11. America, I'm really surprised and, quite frankly, appalled that you have yet to bring the hot mashed potato and gravy dispenser to us.  I said my hen gap lais to Per and Allison and headed to the airport. I arrived in Colombo at 11:30 PM and immediately was berated with several different taxi options for the entirety of my stay. Now, let me reiterate the fact that I have never, nor will ever be, a wealthy individual. However, it just so happens that private drivers for six days are an affordable luxury for middle school teachers with ball and chain style student loan debt. I was told that my taxi driver would pick me up at my hostel at 9 AM to begin our journey. I had no idea where we were headed but I had a few ideas and a lot of misguided optimism, so I was ready. On the way from the airport to my hostel, the conversation between my taxi driver and I went like this: 

"Where are you from?"

"America..Chicago."

"Oh Chicago! Bang bang! Very dangerous."

"Yes sir, much more dangerous than Asia."
"How old are you?"
"27"

"Ah. Still young. So your husband is in Chicago or is he meeting you at the hotel? Where is he?"

"I don't have one."

"Where is your boyfriend then?"

"Nope boyfriend either. Just me. ALL ALONE ::eats feelings::"

"Oh that is very strange. You have a Diana face. Do you like Donald Trump?"

This was the first of many conversations in Sri Lanka that ended with either disgust at my relationship status or about our presidential candidate options.

I arrived at my hostel at about 1 AM, exhausted, dehydrated and ready to count sheep on any flat surface. The hotel attendant showed me to my room and I soon realized that every inhabitant was a dude. I didn't know if this was a mixed dorm or if they had just thrown me into the male dorm, but I was too tired to care. I fell asleep under the dim light of some violent computer games.






The next day, I woke up early and walked to the beach for a few minutes, ate some breakfast and then met my driver who informed me that we would be going to Sigiriya Rock and staying nearby for the night. On the way to Sigiriya, we stopped at an small elephant camp in Pinnawala. Now, there is a more well known elephant orphanage in Pinnawala, but my driver insisted that this one was better and more humane. About three minutes after entering this camp, I walked out of it. The elephants seemed unhappy, chained up, and were simply riding humans around in circles while being followed by a mahout with a whip. The humane care of elephants is always something that I struggle with so I just made the choice to go with my gut and bounce out of that one. My driver was confused as to why I only spent a few minutes at the camp and when I explained, he seemed to understand. About thirty minutes later we arrived at Sigiriya rock. I recommend this hike to anyone who goes to Sri Lanka. As I ascended higher, I found myself singing "The Circle of Life" to myself with increasing enthusiasm. When I arrived at the top, I lost all sense of shame and was actually just singing, "AHHHseyvenyaa" out loud. Another perk to traveling solo---you don't have to worry about embarrassing anyone but yourself. The top of Sigiriya was astoundingly beautiful and allowed me to nerd out a bit--there is an old citadel at the top and it was used as a Buddhist monastery through the 14th century.

If you want to read more on this cool rock, click here : The Lion Rock!

After wandering around and staring at some monkeys at the bottom of the The Lion Rock, I hopped back in the car and my driver asked me where I would be staying that night. Now, here is where the 3G sim card came in handy. I hopped on Agoda and booked a random, cheap hotel that seemed to have good reviews. Now, this hotel was in Dambulla, Sri Lanka and I was sure that my driver knew the exact location. You know what they say about assuming? We got lost about five times and finally, when we got the hotel on the phone, they directed us about two kilometers in from the main road, down a long, narrow dirt pathway. When we arrived at Randeniweva Resort, I was greeted by locals bathing in the river, yelling and laughing at me. Standard. The hotel was far enough away from civilization that I don't think many tall, blonde chicks stumble into town very often. The two guys running the hotel were super friendly and set up a fishing pole for me so that I could embarrass myself in front of those same bathing locals---giving them an actual reason to laugh...and laugh they did.  After an unsuccessful fishing session, I resentfully ate some fish that some talented fisherman had caught earlier in the day. Fuck you, other fish.  That night I went to bed early but not before having some technical difficulties with my shower. This happened four times: Got into shower. Air conditioner turned off. Shower turned off. Lights turned off. Hotel guys came up to help and immediately turned everything back on. After time number three I began to think that they were up to something...

Helping to set me up for failure

The next day we were on the road early headed to Kandy and Nuwara Eliya. It took about two and a half hours to drive to Kandy from Dambulla. We arrived at a Buddhist temple called Relic of the Tooth, which looked lovely from the outside but I admittedly didn't go inside. I just wanted some time to myself to walk around the city and grab a coffee. I was meandering around a beautiful park full of gorgeous birds when I happened upon a quaint little coffee shop called The Empire Cafe. It was lovely and there was another white girl inside! Imagine that! Upon realizing this similarity, I started up a conversation with the wonderful Sarah Miller. We bonded over a love of tea, the Midwest, and our basic bitch names. I invited Sarah to hop in the car with me to go to the botanical gardens. We walked around, sweating and competing for the best Snapchat stories. We saw some orchids and it was dope. 

Kandy is sweet 

After bidding adieu to my new friend, the car headed to Nuwara Eliya for the evening. Once again, I did not have a hotel booked but figured I could just show up somewhere and rest my weary head. We stopped at a breathtaking waterfall and then flew up some winding mountain roads where my anxiety was at its peak...but subdued by the gorgeous sunset. One of those moments where you think, "Well if I fly off of this cliff, at least there will be a stunning backdrop..." 

We arrived in Nuwara Eliya and even in the dark, I immediately felt nostalgic for my short life in England. It was founded in the 19th century by the British so that explains the architecture, mass tea consumption, and my immediate love of the place. Nuwara Eliya is known as the "Little England" of Sri Lanka and is known to be the most important place in Sri Lanka in terms of tea production.  The assistant manager of the hotel I plopped my bags at, Janith, was lovely and took me out for the most amazing meal of the trip. He was extremely kind and later showed me up to the roof where he played me some of his favorite American tunes (Enrique, Eminem, Adele, and of course...Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On"). He seemed almost offended by my lack of love life and also was continuously commenting on how cool it was that I just "got a nose ring." It was getting late and when he started to mention the romance of the moon, I decided it was time for me to get some shut eye. 

At 4 AM, I awoke and hopped in the car, groggy as hell and trying to psyche myself up about a 9KM uphill hike to World's End in Horton Plains National Park. If you go to World's End, get there early! There are a shit ton of tourists and they have yet to figure out a logistical system for getting people into the park so I waited for an hour in a line full of confused white people. Regardless, Horton Plains was absolutely gorgeous and reminded me of what The Lion King books have told me that Africa might look like. I loved this hike and I think the reason was because I was totally alone. I could go at my own pace and stop to take pictures wherever I wanted. The only thing that would have been helpful was someone to remind me to pack food and water. By the time I reached Baker's Falls, I was so thirsty I thought about just jumping into the waterfall and drinking the whole thing. Instead, I met two elderly British guardian angels who gave me a water bottle and a cake. I am continuously astounded by the kindness of strangers. They obviously were thinking, "Wow this poor twenty something isn't capable of adulthood yet. Let us feed her." Energized by the snacks and power of human kindness, I nearly ran back to the car. 

I told my driver (asshole comment of the day) that I wanted to get to Galle next. He warned me that it was a six hour car ride and I reminded him that I am a master of being in the back of a car for a long time. I had originally planned to go to Yala National Park on the way down to Galle but changed my mind last minute because I had read some negative reviews, knew it was expensive, and was told there was only a slight chance that I might see a leopard. On the drive down, my choice was validated when we ran into a wild elephant who was trying to cross the road out of Udawalawe National Park. It continues to amaze me how fast locals are to capilitalize on opportunities to make money in Southeast Asia. It seemed like the beautiful beast had just recently stumbled across this certain spot on the road, and locals were already selling bananas to feed it. I just admired the pachyderm and set my sights on Galle. 

We arrived in Galle just as the stars were peaking out.  I had booked a hostel that was unmarked and down a suspicious alley (look for my memoir, Down A Suspicious Alley: The Jessica Daniels story out later this month). It ended up being totally fine and complete with a flesh sucking fish station, so I was happy. I stuck my feet in the fish tank, got some dinner while watching the street as all of the power went out, wandered around the beach, and drank tea at a hotel before falling asleep. I woke up early, walked around the fort and made a new friend who was sporting a Yankees hat. He told me all about the history of Galle, which includes the tale of a tragic tsunami that hit in 2004. Galle was protected by the Dutch fort, but several surrounding cities were destroyed. Later that morning, I found myself in an amazing jewelry shop called Orchid House where I was served bottomless tea and where I eventually bought too much jewelry. While I was in the jewelry shop, I ran into a lovely man who owned a guest house on Mirissa Beach. I told him I was interested in staying in Mirissa and he said, "I'll book you a room for tonight." It was as simple as that. That night I found myself at Club Mirissa in Mirissa Beach. It is a lovely B&B that I would recommend to everyone. 

I went to the beach and found myself surrounded by tumultuous waves. I was so happy to be swimming that I decided to ignore the strength of the waves. There was a moment where I was pulled under for a few more seconds that I was comfortable with. I got up, inevitably flashed several beach goers, and decided that it was time for my first alcoholic beverage of the vacation. I sipped mojitos and read at a beach bar where it was apparently rude to read a book and be a girl. The manager of the bar was continuously questioning why I was reading and "why I was all alone?" Let me read bro, this isn't the Beauty and The Beast. 

The next day, my solo travels came to and end when my super human friend, Elizabeth, joined me on the beach. We spent the night chatting at a beach bar while eating some delicious spring rolls and did pretty much the exact same thing the entire next day (Eat all of the roti!). On our final morning of vacation, we went whale/dolphin watching! We were given tuna sandwiches(awkward) and Dramamine for breakfast and it took us three hours to slowly tread out to whale territory. We saw a ton of dolphins but after an hour, I was feeling pessimistic about our whale spotting opportunities. Just when I was about to lose hope, our captain shouted, "LOOK AT THAT TAIL." I shoved everyone out of the way and ran to the front of the boat, exclaiming, "I will see this whale before all of you!" Just kidding, I slowly mosied to the side of the boat and saw the tail of the glorious beast...twice. All of those hours on the boat and my rupees were worth it! On the way back, our boat died and we had to be towed by another, slower boat. #southeastasiaboatproblems

Our journey to the Colombo airport was a bit terrifying as our driver obviously was not aware of speed limits or those white lines in the middle of the road. It was OK though because we were joined by Darren and he played us some sweet tunes on his phone and we finally listened to MIA in Sri Lanka. If I died in a car crash in Sri Lanka while MIA was playing, I would be fine with that obituary. 

On Sunday, the amazing Murali picked Elizabeth and I up at the KL airport and took us to his local dosa spot. He gave us a place to nap and we got some shopping in. We arrived back in Ho Chi Minh City, happy to be home but sad to have left such an incredible place behind. 

I know this post was long enough to constitute an entire year in Sri Lanka, but it was a mere seven days. 

**Important Cliff Notes**

Places to visit: Sigiriya, Kandy, Nuwara Eliya, Galle, and Mirissa Beach. I can't speak on any other places but am more than willing to give you my limited advice on each place. I was only in each spot (excluding Mirissa) for about a day, so I can give you all I've got. 

*Skip the elephant orphanage 

*If you are on Mirissa Beach, eat here for as many meals as possible : 

https://www.tripadvisor.com/Restaurant_Review-g1407334-d2007581-Reviews-Dewmini_Roti_Shop-Mirissa_Southern_Province.html

Sri Lanka is an astonishingly beautiful country that has (for the most part) not yet been ravaged by Western culture. Go visit as soon as you possibly can. It is safe and the absolute best thing about it is the people. Every single person that I met was helpful and willing to give me information and advice about their country. Despite being very curious about my love life, they were the most helpful and genuine humans in the world. 

Buy a plane ticket today!

Stay tuned for: A few PG sentences reviewing my time in Boracay! It was honestly the most fun I have had in my entire life...and you guys know how much fun I am capable of having! 

Cheers and listen to the new Lumineers album now. 

Time left in Vietnam: 1.5 months :(