Sri Lankaahhhh

Sri Lanka, Sri Lanka, Sri Lanka...what can I possibly write down to do this country any justice? Granted, I was only able to waddle around in its glory for seven short days, but even in that short time, I was able to feel the magic. To be honest, before moving to Asia, Sri Lanka was never on my radar as a place to visit. It just recently occurred to me that I better get my ass into gear and get there before my short time in Asia runs out like that sand timer in the Wizard of Oz.

Here are the facts that I knew about Sri Lanka before going: MIA is Sri Lankan. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-Nw7HbaeWY

**As always, scroll to the bottom if you want the cliff notes**

It was only when I stepped foot into Sri Lanka that I realized how much I needed to be there. The only thing that I had arranged before arriving was my hostel for night numero uno. I wanted to wing the whole week and take advantage of traveling solo. I absolutely love human beings, but I also absolutely love being able to do whatever the hell I want when I want to (aka go on street food crawls by myself). 

I had a layover in Kuala Lumpur for about 14 hours and so Perry, Allison and I did what every well traveled American would do...ate at Chili's. We walked around the city, took a few selfies in front of the Petronas towers, and marveled at the exotic snacks in the Malaysian 7-11. America, I'm really surprised and, quite frankly, appalled that you have yet to bring the hot mashed potato and gravy dispenser to us.  I said my hen gap lais to Per and Allison and headed to the airport. I arrived in Colombo at 11:30 PM and immediately was berated with several different taxi options for the entirety of my stay. Now, let me reiterate the fact that I have never, nor will ever be, a wealthy individual. However, it just so happens that private drivers for six days are an affordable luxury for middle school teachers with ball and chain style student loan debt. I was told that my taxi driver would pick me up at my hostel at 9 AM to begin our journey. I had no idea where we were headed but I had a few ideas and a lot of misguided optimism, so I was ready. On the way from the airport to my hostel, the conversation between my taxi driver and I went like this: 

"Where are you from?"

"America..Chicago."

"Oh Chicago! Bang bang! Very dangerous."

"Yes sir, much more dangerous than Asia."
"How old are you?"
"27"

"Ah. Still young. So your husband is in Chicago or is he meeting you at the hotel? Where is he?"

"I don't have one."

"Where is your boyfriend then?"

"Nope boyfriend either. Just me. ALL ALONE ::eats feelings::"

"Oh that is very strange. You have a Diana face. Do you like Donald Trump?"

This was the first of many conversations in Sri Lanka that ended with either disgust at my relationship status or about our presidential candidate options.

I arrived at my hostel at about 1 AM, exhausted, dehydrated and ready to count sheep on any flat surface. The hotel attendant showed me to my room and I soon realized that every inhabitant was a dude. I didn't know if this was a mixed dorm or if they had just thrown me into the male dorm, but I was too tired to care. I fell asleep under the dim light of some violent computer games.






The next day, I woke up early and walked to the beach for a few minutes, ate some breakfast and then met my driver who informed me that we would be going to Sigiriya Rock and staying nearby for the night. On the way to Sigiriya, we stopped at an small elephant camp in Pinnawala. Now, there is a more well known elephant orphanage in Pinnawala, but my driver insisted that this one was better and more humane. About three minutes after entering this camp, I walked out of it. The elephants seemed unhappy, chained up, and were simply riding humans around in circles while being followed by a mahout with a whip. The humane care of elephants is always something that I struggle with so I just made the choice to go with my gut and bounce out of that one. My driver was confused as to why I only spent a few minutes at the camp and when I explained, he seemed to understand. About thirty minutes later we arrived at Sigiriya rock. I recommend this hike to anyone who goes to Sri Lanka. As I ascended higher, I found myself singing "The Circle of Life" to myself with increasing enthusiasm. When I arrived at the top, I lost all sense of shame and was actually just singing, "AHHHseyvenyaa" out loud. Another perk to traveling solo---you don't have to worry about embarrassing anyone but yourself. The top of Sigiriya was astoundingly beautiful and allowed me to nerd out a bit--there is an old citadel at the top and it was used as a Buddhist monastery through the 14th century.

If you want to read more on this cool rock, click here : The Lion Rock!

After wandering around and staring at some monkeys at the bottom of the The Lion Rock, I hopped back in the car and my driver asked me where I would be staying that night. Now, here is where the 3G sim card came in handy. I hopped on Agoda and booked a random, cheap hotel that seemed to have good reviews. Now, this hotel was in Dambulla, Sri Lanka and I was sure that my driver knew the exact location. You know what they say about assuming? We got lost about five times and finally, when we got the hotel on the phone, they directed us about two kilometers in from the main road, down a long, narrow dirt pathway. When we arrived at Randeniweva Resort, I was greeted by locals bathing in the river, yelling and laughing at me. Standard. The hotel was far enough away from civilization that I don't think many tall, blonde chicks stumble into town very often. The two guys running the hotel were super friendly and set up a fishing pole for me so that I could embarrass myself in front of those same bathing locals---giving them an actual reason to laugh...and laugh they did.  After an unsuccessful fishing session, I resentfully ate some fish that some talented fisherman had caught earlier in the day. Fuck you, other fish.  That night I went to bed early but not before having some technical difficulties with my shower. This happened four times: Got into shower. Air conditioner turned off. Shower turned off. Lights turned off. Hotel guys came up to help and immediately turned everything back on. After time number three I began to think that they were up to something...

Helping to set me up for failure

The next day we were on the road early headed to Kandy and Nuwara Eliya. It took about two and a half hours to drive to Kandy from Dambulla. We arrived at a Buddhist temple called Relic of the Tooth, which looked lovely from the outside but I admittedly didn't go inside. I just wanted some time to myself to walk around the city and grab a coffee. I was meandering around a beautiful park full of gorgeous birds when I happened upon a quaint little coffee shop called The Empire Cafe. It was lovely and there was another white girl inside! Imagine that! Upon realizing this similarity, I started up a conversation with the wonderful Sarah Miller. We bonded over a love of tea, the Midwest, and our basic bitch names. I invited Sarah to hop in the car with me to go to the botanical gardens. We walked around, sweating and competing for the best Snapchat stories. We saw some orchids and it was dope. 

Kandy is sweet 

After bidding adieu to my new friend, the car headed to Nuwara Eliya for the evening. Once again, I did not have a hotel booked but figured I could just show up somewhere and rest my weary head. We stopped at a breathtaking waterfall and then flew up some winding mountain roads where my anxiety was at its peak...but subdued by the gorgeous sunset. One of those moments where you think, "Well if I fly off of this cliff, at least there will be a stunning backdrop..." 

We arrived in Nuwara Eliya and even in the dark, I immediately felt nostalgic for my short life in England. It was founded in the 19th century by the British so that explains the architecture, mass tea consumption, and my immediate love of the place. Nuwara Eliya is known as the "Little England" of Sri Lanka and is known to be the most important place in Sri Lanka in terms of tea production.  The assistant manager of the hotel I plopped my bags at, Janith, was lovely and took me out for the most amazing meal of the trip. He was extremely kind and later showed me up to the roof where he played me some of his favorite American tunes (Enrique, Eminem, Adele, and of course...Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On"). He seemed almost offended by my lack of love life and also was continuously commenting on how cool it was that I just "got a nose ring." It was getting late and when he started to mention the romance of the moon, I decided it was time for me to get some shut eye. 

At 4 AM, I awoke and hopped in the car, groggy as hell and trying to psyche myself up about a 9KM uphill hike to World's End in Horton Plains National Park. If you go to World's End, get there early! There are a shit ton of tourists and they have yet to figure out a logistical system for getting people into the park so I waited for an hour in a line full of confused white people. Regardless, Horton Plains was absolutely gorgeous and reminded me of what The Lion King books have told me that Africa might look like. I loved this hike and I think the reason was because I was totally alone. I could go at my own pace and stop to take pictures wherever I wanted. The only thing that would have been helpful was someone to remind me to pack food and water. By the time I reached Baker's Falls, I was so thirsty I thought about just jumping into the waterfall and drinking the whole thing. Instead, I met two elderly British guardian angels who gave me a water bottle and a cake. I am continuously astounded by the kindness of strangers. They obviously were thinking, "Wow this poor twenty something isn't capable of adulthood yet. Let us feed her." Energized by the snacks and power of human kindness, I nearly ran back to the car. 

I told my driver (asshole comment of the day) that I wanted to get to Galle next. He warned me that it was a six hour car ride and I reminded him that I am a master of being in the back of a car for a long time. I had originally planned to go to Yala National Park on the way down to Galle but changed my mind last minute because I had read some negative reviews, knew it was expensive, and was told there was only a slight chance that I might see a leopard. On the drive down, my choice was validated when we ran into a wild elephant who was trying to cross the road out of Udawalawe National Park. It continues to amaze me how fast locals are to capilitalize on opportunities to make money in Southeast Asia. It seemed like the beautiful beast had just recently stumbled across this certain spot on the road, and locals were already selling bananas to feed it. I just admired the pachyderm and set my sights on Galle. 

We arrived in Galle just as the stars were peaking out.  I had booked a hostel that was unmarked and down a suspicious alley (look for my memoir, Down A Suspicious Alley: The Jessica Daniels story out later this month). It ended up being totally fine and complete with a flesh sucking fish station, so I was happy. I stuck my feet in the fish tank, got some dinner while watching the street as all of the power went out, wandered around the beach, and drank tea at a hotel before falling asleep. I woke up early, walked around the fort and made a new friend who was sporting a Yankees hat. He told me all about the history of Galle, which includes the tale of a tragic tsunami that hit in 2004. Galle was protected by the Dutch fort, but several surrounding cities were destroyed. Later that morning, I found myself in an amazing jewelry shop called Orchid House where I was served bottomless tea and where I eventually bought too much jewelry. While I was in the jewelry shop, I ran into a lovely man who owned a guest house on Mirissa Beach. I told him I was interested in staying in Mirissa and he said, "I'll book you a room for tonight." It was as simple as that. That night I found myself at Club Mirissa in Mirissa Beach. It is a lovely B&B that I would recommend to everyone. 

I went to the beach and found myself surrounded by tumultuous waves. I was so happy to be swimming that I decided to ignore the strength of the waves. There was a moment where I was pulled under for a few more seconds that I was comfortable with. I got up, inevitably flashed several beach goers, and decided that it was time for my first alcoholic beverage of the vacation. I sipped mojitos and read at a beach bar where it was apparently rude to read a book and be a girl. The manager of the bar was continuously questioning why I was reading and "why I was all alone?" Let me read bro, this isn't the Beauty and The Beast. 

The next day, my solo travels came to and end when my super human friend, Elizabeth, joined me on the beach. We spent the night chatting at a beach bar while eating some delicious spring rolls and did pretty much the exact same thing the entire next day (Eat all of the roti!). On our final morning of vacation, we went whale/dolphin watching! We were given tuna sandwiches(awkward) and Dramamine for breakfast and it took us three hours to slowly tread out to whale territory. We saw a ton of dolphins but after an hour, I was feeling pessimistic about our whale spotting opportunities. Just when I was about to lose hope, our captain shouted, "LOOK AT THAT TAIL." I shoved everyone out of the way and ran to the front of the boat, exclaiming, "I will see this whale before all of you!" Just kidding, I slowly mosied to the side of the boat and saw the tail of the glorious beast...twice. All of those hours on the boat and my rupees were worth it! On the way back, our boat died and we had to be towed by another, slower boat. #southeastasiaboatproblems

Our journey to the Colombo airport was a bit terrifying as our driver obviously was not aware of speed limits or those white lines in the middle of the road. It was OK though because we were joined by Darren and he played us some sweet tunes on his phone and we finally listened to MIA in Sri Lanka. If I died in a car crash in Sri Lanka while MIA was playing, I would be fine with that obituary. 

On Sunday, the amazing Murali picked Elizabeth and I up at the KL airport and took us to his local dosa spot. He gave us a place to nap and we got some shopping in. We arrived back in Ho Chi Minh City, happy to be home but sad to have left such an incredible place behind. 

I know this post was long enough to constitute an entire year in Sri Lanka, but it was a mere seven days. 

**Important Cliff Notes**

Places to visit: Sigiriya, Kandy, Nuwara Eliya, Galle, and Mirissa Beach. I can't speak on any other places but am more than willing to give you my limited advice on each place. I was only in each spot (excluding Mirissa) for about a day, so I can give you all I've got. 

*Skip the elephant orphanage 

*If you are on Mirissa Beach, eat here for as many meals as possible : 

https://www.tripadvisor.com/Restaurant_Review-g1407334-d2007581-Reviews-Dewmini_Roti_Shop-Mirissa_Southern_Province.html

Sri Lanka is an astonishingly beautiful country that has (for the most part) not yet been ravaged by Western culture. Go visit as soon as you possibly can. It is safe and the absolute best thing about it is the people. Every single person that I met was helpful and willing to give me information and advice about their country. Despite being very curious about my love life, they were the most helpful and genuine humans in the world. 

Buy a plane ticket today!

Stay tuned for: A few PG sentences reviewing my time in Boracay! It was honestly the most fun I have had in my entire life...and you guys know how much fun I am capable of having! 

Cheers and listen to the new Lumineers album now. 

Time left in Vietnam: 1.5 months :( 

"Four Countries in Two Weeks is Too Stressful," and Other Ridiculous Expat Complaints

Chuc mung nam moi (blog started: early February, blog posted: almost April)

Here I sit in the corner of a coffee shop with full length windows as to allow the shining sun to cast a debilitatingly perfect glare on my computer screen. There is a Vietnamese family in the direct opposite corner and they are teaching their daughter how to play the ukulele. I have a strong urge to join in on this lesson because I haven't been practicing and this dad seems like a legit teacher.

Goal: write a song that isn't just singing Vietnammm.com reviews and random chords strung together.

So we were just on Tet Holiday which meant that I had another two weeks off to explore this continent that I will only call home for another four months. This vacation was a little too hectic for my liking, but it was a vacation all the same. I had two friends from home, Ashley and Flounder, come to visit and I packed in four different countries in two weeks. Rough life, eh?


Singapore

Before meeting Ash and Flounder in Hong Kong, I flew over to Singapore for Laneway Music Festival for the weekend. The moment I stepped off of the plane, my pockets were lighter. I have this horrible habit of treating currency in other countries like monopoly money. This sounds douchey, but I assure you that I have no room to do this. 75% of my body weight is student loan debt. Sam and Josh let me stay in their swanky apartment for the weekend and we spent Saturday drinking champagne and listening to the bands we were about to see on some speakers while staring aimlessly into the ocean. Singapore feels like a city that was imagined by a group of ritzy scientists from the future. It is impeccably clean and safe, so naturally, it's not for me. Basically, I could never live there because they don't sell chewing gum. I had a pack in my purse before heading over and I felt like a drug smuggler.




Laneway was amazing, although I missed the band that I wanted to see the most, Beach House. Grimes and Chvches were both astounding and we were able to trounce through the muddy fields to inch up to the front of the show. After about seven hours of mud dancing, we went out with the rugby dudes from Singapore and that ended with me starting a rowdy game of never have I ever on the streets with a group of random humans. I wonder at what age I will stop my aggressive never have I ever habits. I hope it's not 28.







The next day was spent sipping over priced coffee near the water, enjoying the freedom of being able to walk without the possibility of a motorbike running me over, and eating Hawker stand food by the beach. I will be back in Singapore very soon and I hope to get a better feel of the city (update: I saw Bon Iver and ate breakfast with Orangutans at the Singapore Zoo during this weekend I'm referring to here so I can officially die happy).

Hong Kong

Reluctant to leave the butterfly gardens and steam bun filled Singapore airport, I hopped on a 8 AM flight to Hong Kong to meet up with Ash and Flounder. When I stepped into the HK airport, I was immediately reminded of Korea. The existence of a subway system. The efficiency. The excessive pushing.

I rode the subway (WITH WIFI WHAT?) all the way to a nice personal van which dropped me in front of the Sheraton (Shout out to Flounder's mom for getting us a room at the Sheraton which I could never otherwise afford) . I was ecstatic with the prospect of seeing my friends from home and I bolted up the gold escalator to greet them. The smell of adventure was in the air and we set out on our first journey. About twenty minutes into said journey it started raining and we nestled ourselves into the closest dark, warm space we could find...which just happened to be a brew house. Now, beers in Hong Kong are 10 dollars but they also have double IPAs so it's a lose win. We sat and chatted like there hadn't been any time spent apart. We cracked peanuts onto the dirty bar floor and read cheesy made up quotes from famous Americans on the walls. We set out looking to find a new adventure...and ended up at another brewery. This brewery was legit and to prove it I will tell you one fact; it had a jukebox.


(Hong Kong Brew House and Craft Beer and Co. )

The rest of the days in Hong Kong were a blur of me complaining about the cold (55 degrees F) and eating dumplings. I literally do not own a pair of pants so it was an interesting trip. I went to the Ritz Carlton Hong Kong wearing leggings and gym shoes...why am I still single you ask? Here are some pics of the trip:

 Creepin' hard

Give me street dim sum, or give me death -George Washington

Din Tai Fung, how do I breathe without you? 

I decided that it was about time that my friends become exposed to my hectic Saigon life style, so we flew back to Saigon for a few days before jetting off to Thailand. I often get wrapped up in the negatives of this city and usually, all it takes is having visitors to remind me of its many charms. The fity cent beers. The freedom to drink said beers on the streets. The people. The tiny chairs. The fresh, authentic food around every corner. The fact that not a day goes by where I don't see five things on the street that make me say, "What the damn hell was that?" We ate street food, drank beers, and became a part of the organized chaos of this strange little planet called Ho Chi Minh City for a mere three days.

After Saigon, we flew out to Thailand for a week. Sometimes, I get so used to the ridiculousness that comes with traveling in SE Asia that I forget to warn my Asia virgin friends of the complications that can come with flying and then busing and boating and then smaller speed boating and motorbiking and walking down dark gravely alleys with backpacks full to the brim-ing. All of this just makes sense to me now somehow, like riding the subway, but I forget what it's like to be new and excitedly confused by it all.

We spent two nights in Bangkok, once again eating street food and drinking street beers, throwing our baht around like we owned the place. Thailand is my favorite country in Asia so obviously I was thrilled to show my friends from home this magical land. Since we were in my favorite country, I wanted to show them the best place that I have found thus far: Ko Pha Ngan island. Now some people immediately think of The Full Moon Party when they think of KPN, and in that case I would be quick to say, "BUT there's a whole different side of the island, guys! Just stay away from Haad Rin unless you feel like burning your leg on a jumping rope of fire, waking up with your sheets looking like a highlighter, and drinking bucket vodka like it's your freshman year orientation."  We stayed on Haad Yao beach and woke up every morning to this view:



And drank these:


And I took Ash here, because it's the best place on Ko Pha Ngan...managed by Chai, one of the nicest people I've ever met. Stay at Golden Hill resort if you ever make it to this place:


There were a few mishaps while staying on KPN, mostly involving motorbikes. Warning: when you go to Thailand, don't rent a motorbike unless you are willing to pay big bhats for repair on even just a scrape. I should have been much more weary of renting brand new, beautiful motorbikes but my desire to cruise the island took precedence over my better judgement. Just don't rent new motorbikes in Thailand, OK?

We returned to Bangkok, and I drank tequila in preparation got ready to play at the Bangkok Hat which ended up being an insane blast...no surprises there (Thanks, Tri and co). Tournaments like these make me question why I am making the crazy choice to leave Asia. The weekend was full of new and familiar faces, ultimate in 95 degree weather, lunches on banana leaves, g&t towers, boat races, and Changs changs changs. My team was not only amazing, but we also had a great time together. Extreme competitiveness in ultimate is the reason that I shied away for so long (that along with my busted ass knees) so I always appreciate a team that is the perfect balance of fun loving and competitive. Ultimate really is my true love even if we fight on occasion because I will never be good enough for him. We played in the semi finals but at that point I was pretty much just sweat and sunburn. My sole motivation for finishing the game soon became the kegs on the side of the field.

The rest of Sunday night, February 14th, a day dedicated to ever lasting love and devotion, was appropriately spent with my one and only---Ashley Betke. We got tattoos in a tiny shanty on a random Bangkok side street, played shuffleboard with some ultimate ultimate folk, and ended up at a bar called "Spanky's" with some cool dudes. Any night that ends in a bar called Spanky's is alright in my book. We went back to our over-sized hotel and at 4 AM I tried to hold back the tears as I let the elusive Ashley Betke leave my sight. I know I tend to exaggerate most everything, but I can easily say that it was the best Valentine's Day to date. Major props to everyone involved.



Tune in next time for my next episode: SRI LANKA AND WHY YOU ALL NEED TO GET ON THE NEXT PLANE THERE IMMEDIATELY


Count down to moving back to the land that I will inevitably move back away from: T minus 2.5 months! You can find me crying in the peanut butter section of Whole Foods.

[Mostly] Indonesia

Happy 2016, Facebook scrollers! As I sit in this Paris Baguette watching Korean families eat strange bacon infused sweet bread, I have finally found the inspiration to write about some recent life events.  Brace yourselves.

For those of you who have been dying to hear about my life, my update for January 2016 is juicy: I'm still single, I still don't have a 401k, and surprisingly despite these two things, I'm still alive.

You can stop reading here if you were only reading this to figure out if I had a 401k yet.

INDONESIA (honorable mention to Kuala Lumpur) 

Kuala Lumpur for one night:  Embarrassingly, we spent almost our entire time in Chili's making love to unlimited chips and salsa. Anyone who has lived in Asia for an extended amount of time understands this. There are restaurants that you would never consider going to in the USA that immediately become romanticized when you enter Asia. I'm pretty sure heaven is a place on earth (Taco Bell in Itaewon, Seoul). With that being said, we did later enjoy some amazing noodles in China Town, KL and saw a beautiful view at Sky Bar.

So, despite my blood lust for deep dish pizza, I decided to travel to Indonesia for the Christmas holiday instead of making the 22 hour long journey back to Chicago. The minute that I arrived in Kuta, Lombok, I knew that I had made the right choice. I had two solid travel buddies with me, which is always key.

One thing that I have learned over the past few years is that you might be best friends with someone in real life, but incompatible during travel life. The most important thing to remember about this is that it's OK to admit that you might not be the best travel compadres. Like most things in life, don't force travel friendships. Vacation is about you. Pick your travel buddies carefully.

Kuta

If you are traveling to Indonesia, Kuta, Lombok is a must stop (Note: do not confuse with Kuta, Bali). Kuta is in south Lombok and is a cute little surfer town with amazing restaurants, beautiful beaches, and miles and kilometers of motorbikable roads. We stayed in Kuta for four days and this was a perfect amount of time. Would I have liked to stay longer? Of course, but this is true of virtually every place I travel. We spent our days motorbiking around the island to find hidden coves to chow down on pineapple pops while adorable Indonesian children played tricks on us. Snackin' with ravenous flies was more bearable with this view:



Other notable occurrences:  
-Went to Christmas Eve dinner at the Novotel and while we were disappointed with the food, we were impressed with the Indonesian Santa Claus who busted in on a horse carriage adorned with oh so classy LED lights.
-I went "kneeling awkwardly on a wet board for three seconds"/surfing for the first time. Surfing is one of those sports that I wish I would have been exposed to at a young age but it just wasn't in the cards for a middle of the USA kinda girl like me.
-Swam to ocean swings while drinking homemade palm wine
-Ate more gado gado than I thought was physically possible (also I never actually knew this food existed prior to my vacation, so there's that)

Spots to check out:
The Barrell  It's seems like merely a small surf shop with a black wooden surfboard outside to alert you of its presence, but this is a Kuta gem.  The staff is amazingly friendly and the surf lessons offered are top notch. If you go, ask for a dude named Aussie. He showed us around the island, took us to a hidden cove for palm wine after surfing, and helped us find motorbikes to ride around for all four days. He also hosts whiskey guitar parties in his front yard. If there was a Yelp for Kuta, this spot would be #1.
The Corner Cafe  
This cute little shop has delicious green teas, unique gifts, and is a perfect atmosphere to write your next children's book for adults!
Surfer Bar
Kuta is one of those beach towns where there is usually only one main party per night and it switches between venues. Surfer bar is one of the best with cheap Bintangs, eccentric staff, and great reggae tunes.
Shipwrecked
This is the late night spot where everyone will inevitably end up after aforementioned main party.
Warung Mario's 
We were drawn to this place with the promise of pina coladas out of a pineapple. Gimmicky and delicious! This place has an excellent fresh fish BBQ and super cool staff.
Krnk
This picture speaks for itself.

Sari Inn
Sari Inn was just a 15 minute walk from all of the Kuta night life action and was a quaint little hotel. They were accommodating and we essentially had our own two bedroom apartment for four days.

UP TO BALI
After Kuta, we met up with three of our Gaelic football buddies at a private villa to celebrate Christmas (I promise it's not as douchey as it sounds. Asia is cheap, come check it out for yourselves).

Here is how I spent my Christmas Day:
-Woke up to a tropical rain storm and took a van to the Lombok airport. The van even had bluetooth so Heather played some nice, dirty rap for our driver. He really loved the f word and throwing his hands up in the air like he just don't care. Let me tell you, listening to Nicki Minaj sing about her ass while local Indonesian ladies carry buckets of water on their heads is quite the juxtaposition of emotions.

-Ate some chicken and rice while attempting to Skype with my family in the airport. They were at my Aunt Marge's annual Christmas Eve party. I've never wanted a perogi more in my entire life.
-Indulged in a peppermint mocha at the Starbucks at the Bali airport (How am I supposed to feel like it's Christmas without sugar, chocolate, and brand names?)
-A Balinese man picked us up in his van and drove us about three hours to our villa. He was so accommodating and stopped for food, snacks, and even answered Heather every time she asked if "we were there yet."
-Drank Luwak poop coffee in the rice fields...poop in your coffee is expensive y'all
-Were greeted with massages by the ocean (thanks Alyson and Lynda for setting that up)
-Ate a giant Indonesian Christmas dinner and exchanged small gifts
-Watched the mother f'ing Lion King before bed

It was a Merry Christmas indeed. This is not to say that I didn't miss home. Being away from Target  pizza beards  home on Christmas is never fun, so you need a villa like this to distract you:

Northern Bali is beautiful. Heather and I rode a motorbike to Sekumpul Waterfall on boxing day and it was stunning. Instead of words I will show you:

After Northern Bali, Heather and I headed down to Ubud AKA the Love part of Eat, Pray, Love (I only ever made it through the Eat part of that book, so I was in for a treat. Pretty sure my travel memoir would be titled Eat. Think about eating. Eat). Ubud was superb. It is full of loads of yoga studios, holistic health shops, dress shops, and more yoga studios. We stayed in Ubud for three days and I feel like it definitely wasn't enough time. It is a place that I could see myself living in for a long term stint.

If you are in in Ubud, you must: 
-Hike up Mount Batur at sunrise and play with the monkeys. They can be a bit vicious, so be weary of those fools.  One of them tried to steal my hat and attempted to slap me in the face. Make sure you catch those banana eaters on a good day.
-Eat at Clear Cafe. Excellent, healthy food and it's even endorsed by Michael Franti so you know it must be radical.
-Just shop around. Explore. Ubud is a chill, excellent place and I would recommend it to anyone. It is a bit touristy, but it's charm is undeniable.
Places to stay: 
Sri Bungalows: It was an excellent life choice to stay here. Free breakfast, outstanding pool, and spacious air conditioned rooms. It is also close to an amazing cafe called Watercress. Check it out.
Ani's Villas: This spot was situated amongst the lush jungly area of Ubud and right below Clear Cafe. A double whammy. The pool was superb and had statues spitting out water so you know it's luxurious as hell.

GILI AIR (no notable mention to Gili T- which blows)

After we were full of green juice and a new sense of self (if there was a sarcastic font it would be used for that last sentence), Heather and I headed back down to the Gili Islands. We did this whole trip backwards, but as the youths are saying these days YOLO. We were driven to a tiny port town on the edge of Bali and waited in a never ending line of smelly backpackers to get on our fast boat. We arrived on Gili Air and met back up with Marianna who had been doing a diving course for three days. Thanks to Marianna, we had four new friends to hang out with and thank god, because I'm awful at making friends. We watched the sunset on bean bags at a chill bar called Mowie's (Mourie's?) and then had an amazing fish BBQ at a beach bar called Chill Out. The rest of the night was pretty hilarious and all of us somehow ended up at the giant house of the owner of half of the island. This is a family friendly blog so I am leaving out details. Contact me for more information.




The next day (New Year's Eve) we made a crucial mistake. We decided to try to go to Gili T for New Years. This is why it's important to do travel research. The island was no where as nice as Gili Air and it had 300% more idiotic backpackers wearing Native American headdresses . Luckily, my stunningly forgiving friends Sam and Bill met us there to add to our misery train. The prices on the island were jacked up as they knew how to capitalize on the stupid travelers who thought that Gili T would be a nice place to spend New Years (me). Despite our negative feelings towards Gili T, New Years Eve was a good time because of who we were with. I could probably be in a tank of fire ant snake hybrids with these humans and still have a good New Years. Alas, we were not in said fire snake tank, but at Sama Sama reggae bar. That place was legit, so if you happen to find yourself stranded on Gili T, go there.

After less than 24 hours, we took a boat back to Gili Air. We spent our last true night of vacation having a delicious meal on the beach with those friends that Marianna made for us ;) In the morning, we drank coffee and coconuts and smoothies and all the beverages at Scalywag's beach bar. One major perk of Gili Air is that you can snorkel directly off the island and you don't need no boat to take yo ass out further into sea, yo.

Once again, we were driven to the Lombok airport by a man who was blasting Bryan Adams and stopped to get us street fish satay. We drove down winding roads and swerved to avoid the hundreds of curious monkeys that just wanted some processed food provided by humans.

Reluctant and with about 50 new sarongs, we boarded a plane back to KL. We stayed the night at a hotel near the airport and got some much needed air conditioning and rest. When we got to the KL airport, we almost missed out flight because we couldn't stop eating our Nando's. Can you blame us?

What you should take from this entire blog post: 

Go to Kuta, Lombok
Eat as much gado gado as possible
Never go to Gili T, stay on Gili Air, save yourselves!
Ubud is Uhmazing (that didn't work did it?)
What's a 401k?

Cheers my friends. If I haven't seen you in a month plus, I miss you.
If I see you on a daily basis, thanks for reading this thang.

IN OTHER NEWS, I ONLY HAVE FIVE MORE MONTHS LEFT IN ASIA!

BRB eating all the pho....


A few days ago, my wonder friend Sam Rivera sent me this article:

http://matadornetwork.com/change/dont-women-celebrate-travel-accomplishments-way-celebrate-engagements/  

 It discusses why our society should start recognizing the travel accomplishments of women instead of constantly praising engagements, marriages, and popping out miniature drunk adults. Don't get me wrong, I love when my friends get engaged--it means I get to go to a wedding and see people celebrate what it means to be encompassed by everlasting love (cough open bar cough). I can just relate to this article in a big way. I mean,  the most Facebook likes that I have ever gotten on one picture came from a fake engagement photo my lovely co-worker Alex Tat posted on my behalf. I have seen so many amazing things during my travels, but people in my social media jungle were more excited about a fake ring on a fake finger next to a fake ocean. Give the article a read if, like me, traveling and being single is your jam.

Hen Gap Lai, loves.

A Week In Myanmar

Hello, folks. It's been a long time since I have taken the time to sit down and write this blog. I always want to cut out a chunk of my time during the weekends to relax with a cup of joe and stare at the screen in front of me, but I usually manage to find an excuse (working end up binge watching a certain embarrassing show on Netflix created for pre-teens) every chance I get. Today however, I have found myself at my favorite juice spot in HCMC, wishing that I was still in Myanmar. 

(If you don't want to read this entire post, scroll down to the very bottom for the good stuff).  

I am going to be completely honest; before I moved to Southeast Asia, the only reason that I knew Myanmar existed was because of the clip below. Thanks, Seinfeld for providing me with more exposure to global issues than any of my classes K-16. 

(It will always be Burma to me) 

        Elizabeth, Chase, and I waited eagerly in the Saigon airport on Saturday morning for our flight to Yangon to take off. If you are familiar with Vietjet Air, you know that we were ultimately delayed for the better part of a half an hour (Don't worry folks, that left me 30 extra minutes to run stairs at the airport to get my Fitbit steps for the day/sweat out Oktoberfest.  If you ever want to get some judgmental glares at an Asian airport, this is one sure way #momstatus). We touched down in Yangon in the early afternoon. The first thing that I noticed upon landing was how green the landscape was. I am always ecstatic and surprised to see the color green in large, SE Asian cities. There is a major lack of my favorite color in Saigon, and so I am more than welcoming every time I see it. 

        It took about a half an hour to get through customs and exchange our dollars for kyat. If you plan on travelling to Myanmar, make sure that you bring crisp USD to exchange for kyat. These bills also have to be produced after 2006 in order to be accepted. Below is a helpful video that shows you the basics.

When we were finished exchanging our moola, we were desperate to find a good spot to eat (theme of the trip). We eagerly hopped into a random taxi that boasted some old school Hello Kitty seat covers and asked the cabbie to take us to Lucky Seven Tea House (highly recommended) for a bite.  He assured us that before we ate, we needed to secure a bus ticket to Bagan if we were planning to leave that night.  This friendly driver told us that he could set up our ticket which ultimately meant that he drove us to five different run down bus companies before finding us a $20 VIP bus ticket to Bagan. I was thankful, hungry and a bit weary of the taxi dude, but one of the things that I have learned traveling in Asia is that it almost always serves you to be trusting of others.  For every shady taxi driver, there are 100 that are sincerely trying to help you out. This saint ended up staying loyal to the end. He drove us to find a bus ticket, sat down while we ate for an hour, took us to China town and waited while we wandered aimlessly for street dumplings (to no avail), took us to Shwedagon Pagoda for an hour, and then finally led us to our bus stop. He spent at least six hours with us and charged a grand total of $29. You gotta love those SE Asian prices. Always remember, if you find a solid taxi driver, they will give you the world. 

Shwedagon Pagoda at dusk

One solid piece of advice for traveling in Myanmar is that it is essential to get the VIP bus if you are not flying (There are a lot of moral implications involved in government sanctioned travel in Myanmar, so we felt like the buses were the best way to go. Also, they are cheap AF. Travelling on an 11 hour night bus means no hostel fees).  We boarded the VIP bus to Bagan and were thoroughly impressed with the comfort level. There was a bathroom on the bus, free tooth brushes, AND some sweet Burmese slow jams! Score! We stocked up on Myanmar beer and the ride ended up being super bearable. 

We were awoken from our bus slumber at around 4 AM on Monday morning to the driver yelling, "Bagan, Bagan." The pleasantries normally associated with waking people up do not exist in Asia. We stumbled off of the bus and into the early morning darkness of Bagan. We had been told to visit the Sunrise temple, so we quickly hopped in a taxi. Now, unfortunately this taxi driver was not so cool. He capitalized on our half awake states and charged us way too much for the ride to the temple. We climbed the stairs and awaited a sunrise that would never come. We watched as the sky around us lightened and the clouds started to take a distinct form.   Despite the lack of sun, it was lovely to see Bagan rise out of the morning fog. 

My favorite Pagoda buddy, Elizabeth, and I still half asleep.

Sadly, we never did see a sunrise or sunset while we were in Bagan. It was raining the entire time we were there. The upside to rainy season? We planned almost nothing and found a hostel with ease.  We stayed at a little place called May Kha Lar, which I would recommend to anyone traveling in Bagan. The breakfast included coffee, pancakes, fruit, AND an egg sandwich. This plentiful breakfast was assuredly made to compensate for the lack of Wi-fi. Myanmar has almost NO Wi-Fi which ended up being a HUGE perk. We were actually forced to have conversations with strangers and each other. EW, human interaction is wack, am I right? 

  I was proud of us; despite the horrendous weather conditions we managed to explore more of Bagan than I would usually be inclined to in the rain. We threw on some cheap, malfunctioning ponchos and hopped on our Ebikes to explore the plethora of pagodas that Bagan has to offer. I would have loved to stay in Bagan for longer. It was gorgeous, peaceful, and basically untouched by the Western world. If you are headed to Bagan, the best time to go is in November and December because that's when the hot air balloons are flying high and you are most likely to get your best future profile picture. I would recommend renting Ebikes instead of bicycles because a lot of the pagodas are located in places where regular bikes WILL get stuck. You don't look cool falling off of your bike at age 27, trust me.

We ran into a goat herder. Chase and Elizabeth moved on while I stayed to make friends. 

This lovely lady who rented us our Ebikes applied some thanaka on to our faces. This paste made from tree bark is worn by most women and some men. It has been worn for over 2,000 years and keeps the skin young, provides sun protection, and smells really damn good.  

This curry was da bomb. 

Places to eat in Bagan: 

-Weather Spoon's (not the UK chain, but the food is delicious and pubby) Try the vegetable curries and the ginger lime juice

-Be Kind to Animals, The Moon: Not only does this restaurant boast the best name of any restaurant I've eaten at, it also offers stellar vegetarian meals. I don't know about you, but I like my restaurants best when they are giving commands. 

Aroma: Wonderful Indian food. Try the ginger masala tea. 

HTI- Great cocktails and 90's jams 

After spending two rainy days in Bagan, it was time to head to Inle Lake. This time around, we were not so fortunate with the bus situation.  We traveled on a ten hour bus with crushed legs and no bathroom. Luckily we had some help from our old friend, Myanmar beer to help us sleep. I fell asleep for the entirety of the trip and woke up very early in the AM in Inle Lake. We found an excellent little place to stay called Remember Inn in the Nyaung Shwe area of Inle. It was cheap and the people were very friendly. We fell into our beds almost immediately upon entering our hotel at 2 AM and woke up in time for a delicious breakfast on the roof. This day in Inle Lake was undoubtedly my favorite in Myanmar. We rented bicycles and rode out to the hot springs. On our way, we stopped to get some tea and coffee at a cute little fair trade shop with delicious juice. The ride to the hot springs was about 20 minutes and offered up some gorgeous views of the country side. 

After visiting the hot springs, we thought it would be nice to ride up to the winery. Now, let me just say, there is a reason Myanmar isn't known for their wine. However, the view at the vineyard and the dessert made up for the taste of the vino. We sipped the sun away and chatted with some new friends.  The bicycle ride back down the hill was a wine fueled adventure. It was nearly pitch black but we managed to use Elizabeth's head lamp to keep us alive. We ended the evening at a cute little Western bar called One Owl Grill. It ended like so many of my nights traveling do, forcing people to play never have I ever. Is there really a better way to get to know people? Yep, probably. 

The next day we went on a long boat to explore actual Inle Lake for the day. A boat and a guide cost us a grand total of $18 for the entire day, split between five people. BIG SPENDERS. We stopped at several craft shops on our long lake journey. Unfortunately, after a while it started to seem like a gimmick to get cash, so we asked if we could see more lake and less shops. We stopped at another pagoda (shocker) and an average, over priced restaurant. Lucky for us, we were on the lake during the Phaung Daw Oo Pagoda Festival which meant that we had to wait an extra four hours on the lake to see a parade of boats for about 20 minutes. Villagers from all over Inle crowded the lake to see the fishermen paddle with their feet and dance viciously on their respective long boats. The main event was when a pagoda placed on a long boat was paraded down the lake. After the festival, the sky poured on us and we ended our hour and a half long boat ride looking like wet mutts. 

That night, we hit the mean streets to find some quality market food. If you are someone who is afraid of street food, I suggest you ditch said fears for the Inle night market Shan noodles. I once had Typhoid fever and was strapped to an IV in a Cambodian hospital and I continue to stuff street food in my face like it's my last day on earth. You can do it and if you get Typhoid, I'll name one of my lowly wagon travelers in Oregon Trail after you. 

Our last day in Inle was nice and relaxing. Our plans of hiking were once again thwarted by the rain. Instead of hiking, I went for a slow jog (thanks again, tendinitis) around the country side. The locals were amused to see a tall blonde chick, sweating her ass off, running through the countryside. Many stopped to say hello, point and laugh, or just stare aimlessly at me as a passed by. Normal. After my run, I went for a $7 Burmese massage in a hut. I was instructed to lie down on a mat on a hard wood floor while a robust woman walked on my back and stretched my limbs out for an hour. It was surprisingly pleasant. 

Let's play, spot the white people

           At five o'clock we boarded our last night bus back to Yangon. It's amazing how much you get to know people when you don't have the internet at your fingertips. We asked each other some of the 36 questions of love while on the bus ride, but ZZZquil soon took over and I slumped into a deep sleep. This 11 hour, bumpy ass bus ride sponsored by ZZZquil every single time. Too bad Myanmar has almost no Western advertising (she said, sarcastically). 

           We ended the trip like any amazing trip should end. We went on a street food crawl of Yangon. We managed to find a seemingly endless strip of vendors serving up street naan, samosas, dim sum, biyani, and  masala tea in a bag. Every block of heaven must look like this. 

ANYWAY, CLIFF NOTES: 

-GO TO MYANMAR while you still can. To me, so much of the beauty of this country lies in the fact that it has yet to be overly tainted by Western influence. The only two advertisements that I saw were for Coca-cola (no one can escape its fructosy, fizzy clutches) and Dove. There are no Starbucks or McDonald's and Wi-Fi is scarce. It won't be this way for long as the tourism industry is starting to develop more and more each year. I am so fortunate to have seen this gorgeous country in its current state and you can be too! 

-While it might be difficult, it is important to attempt to travel responsibly while in Myanmar. With the elections coming up, Myanmar's government could potentially become more democratic, but several of the travel destinations are still regulated by a corrupt government. Be aware! Here's a website to help you travel smart: 

http://www.dosanddontsfortourists.com/

Anywho, that's all I have for you today. Thanks for reading. If you made it this far, thank you for riding the ramble express. Tune in next week for some life updates. 

Hen gap lai, ya'll! 

P.S. In case you feel like crying today 

                       

Easter Confessions

Happy Chocolate Bunny Day ya'll!

I have a confession to make and as a former Catholic, I think it's important to hold on to some semblance of tradition (Although, if I remember correctly, I'm supposed to be confessing at a much higher frequency). Instead of leaving this proverbial Easter egg behind the couch to gather dust, I thought I should find it and bring it to the table for you.  Here it is: Living abroad isn't always sunsets and coconuts. Sometimes it's motorbike drivers on speed and rats chasing you down the alley. Despite what my Instagram may be telling you, living in a different country is challenging and frankly, can suck the life right out from under your bones. Please don't be alarmed, this is not a cry for help. I am simply attempting to come clean and spill my guts about the non-Facebook worthy occurrences in life. Social media can be a scary place if we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. For example, over the past two years, I could have posted statuses such as these:

The problem with statuses like these is that almost no one wants to hear them. They are super whiny. Whenever I scroll past statuses such as these, I mutter, "suck it up," to myself.   However, I think it's essential that we understand the implications of omitting these morose posts. Our lives become a sunset, coconut filled dream world on display for our friends, family, and random people we met once at an underground, Rasta warehouse party in Barcelona. 

The sunset-coconut effect even applies when I talk to my friends and family from home on the phone. Most of the time, the conversations had are nestled between bed time and work meetings. There is a 12 hour time difference separating me from some of the people that I love the most. When I talk to these super humans, I want to hear about their lives. Usually, there isn't enough time to discuss the negative aspects of each other's lives, and maybe that's OK. Phone conversations, along with social media posts, start to build a false sense of prosperity. 

Living in Saigon has changed my life and most of the time I am beyond grateful to live here, but it's not always easy. When people from home talk to me about my life over here, they say things like, "Do you even have a job? You are always at the beach" or, "You are so lucky. Everything seems so amazing over there." While there is some truth to those statements, it is important to understand that it can be physically and mentally taxing.  I just wanted to put it out there. I am a real person who isn't on an eternal spring break. I simply choose to leave out the nasty bits from my public profile. I think we all do this to a certain degree, it's robot nature.


P.S. I want to leave this blog on a positive note so I will say this: I have the most amazing friends in the world here in Saigon. My birthday is coming up and I had a party on Friday. These stinkers surprised me with a cake, a ukulele, and most importantly a card signed by everyone who chipped in on the uke. I have been wanting a ukulele since last year, and I was very slow to make this dream a reality. It was the best present that I have ever received and I couldn't be luckier to call these guys my friends. Much love to everyone involved.

More pix:  

        Sam painted me this beautiful cicada picture using real wings. That's why she is bracket winner material .

Bill, who likes to make fun of the way I throw around the term "best friend," put me to the test here 

with this friendship bracket.