*The pounding of my head wakes me up before the alarm. I'm wearing clothes in bed, which means that someone must have dressed me, and my hands and elbows have bandages on them. A familiar confusion fills my bedroom as I slowly stumble outside, where my roommates and beacons of reassurance, sit in the kitchen. Emily laughs as she tells me that she bandaged and clothed me before bed. She tells me that I was trying to dance with people on the two block walk home from the charming Normal, Illinois trailer/bar and fell and hit my elbow. "You didn't do anything THAT embarrassing though. It could have been worse." I slowly make my way across the street to get a full pizza for breakfast. My metabolism still hasn't completely betrayed me yet so I decide to wander into my favorite Greek spot for good measure."Good night?" the owner asks, chuckling and pointing at my bandages. "21st birthday," I say both sheepish and proudly. "Free fries for you!" More reassurance for mere survival! I walk upstairs and share my birthday feast with Amy. I sit there, as I did on most mornings in college, attempting to recount the events of my evening. As a last resort, I scroll through my digital camera to find photos from the evening to clarify the details.  

Through bites of greasy Papa John's, I find myself spouting what I now know to be one of the greatest lies we tell ourselves, "It's fine, I won't drink after college." 

I recently took a month off from drinking. I know to some of you, this might not seem like a big deal, but for me it surely was. Most of you who know me well, or hell, have met me once, know that I quite enjoy beverages of the alcoholic variety. I have always wanted to give up drinking for an extended period of time, but something always gets in the way.  

Attempting to stop drinking is worse than trying to come up with excuses for not breaking up with a shitty boyfriend.

"Oh I know he's poisonous but, I can't break up with him on his birthday, or Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, his dog's birthday, or on Friday. He loves all holidays, Fridays, and just...days!" 

Alcohol loves Fridays. He loves Saturdays more. I think his favorite day usually falls when I am supposed to be up extremely early the next day to blend in with the functioning members of society. I'm sure that most of you can relate to the fact that there ALWAYS seems to be something getting in the way of us completely cutting out booze. It's so ingrained in us---in society as a whole--as a way to let loose, make new friends, to have fun, to celebrate birthdays, to avoid awkward situations, to catch up with friends, to ease the pain of a break up...the list goes on and on. 

So why stop drinking for a month? Beer is so delicious and makes everything more fun!

There was a day in early August when I realized that nearly every single thing that I had done over the summer involved alcohol. On that particular day, the words, "I won't drink after college," kept poking me on the shoulder. It was hard to think of a few days, let alone a month, that hadn't involved alcohol in some form. I wanted to make an honest woman out of my 21 year old self, if only for just 32 days. In no way was I setting out to stop drinking all together; I just wanted to take off the drunk goggles for a bit.

While I didn't lose 20 pounds, get perfect skin, and magically grow all of my brain cells back, I did observe a few things during this month of abstinence...

*People are usually supportive and inquisitive when they realize you aren't drinking

After the initial shock, my friends and acquaintances were pretty supportive of the whole no booze thing. 

Everyone wants to know why. I kind of wanted to make up a really horrible story, but instead I just spoke the truth. "I'm just challenging myself to see if I can do it." Many people actually said things like, "I want to try that too" or "I tried that once and it didn't work." To this I always said, "If I can do it, you can too." 

*It's harder to deal with people who are annoying AF 

During one weekend, I was at a baby's party and there was a particular person there that I have never been able to stand. He is chauvinistic, sexist, and probably voted for Donald Trump. He is the kind of person that you can't really avoid at a party because he constantly dominates the conversation. Whilst listening to him talk, all I could think was, "I want a beer. I want a beer." Instead I gulped down soda water and fruit like there was no tomorrow. I conversed with people that I actually enjoy and left when this particular individual got too drunk to ignore completely. 

*Saying "No" to things is OK...

This was probably the most important observation. I've always had a really hard time saying "No" to most things. They don't call me Yessica for nothing (or maybe it's because some people have accents). My FOMO is usually just too strong to say no. During the month of hell sobriety, there were just some things that I avoided because I simply didn't want to be there without my buddy, Alchi Hol.

I know this sounds bad, but I'm sure you can relate in some way (unless you're like my dad and have never had any alcohol in your life). During this time, I was more conscious about how I spent my free days.  I tend to exhaust myself with activities during the weekend and leave no time for myself. I took so much time for myself that it felt unnatural. 

*...but I was bored a lot of the time 

I know what they say, "You're not bored, you're boring." But, listen. Those people have never been sober while living in Ho Chi Minh City. 

I still went out with my friends while they were drinking, but soda water is kind of lame and doesn't taste as good as beer. I left the parties earlier, was more conscious of my decision making, and watched drunk people in horror while thinking, "Do I always do shit like that?" (The answer is 100% yes). 

*Dating is harder

Joke's on you! This one is fictional as my dating life in Asia is non existent. However, if I was going on dates, I'd imagine it would be a hell of a lot harder without a few drinks to calm the ol' nerves. Let's be honest, we don't need dating to be anymore gut-wrenchingly terrible than it already is. I just did a pretty eye opening mental scan back on all of my "romantic" encounters since high school. Now you try. How many of them involved some kind of alcohol? 

Yep. That's what I thought. Me too. High five, bro. 

*Sleep is glorious

This is true with or without booze, but I found myself sleeping more and deeper without alcohol. I left parties earlier, so I got more sleep. It's not rocket science.

I want to make sure that I clarify that I am not trying to throw major shade on alcohol here. He's society's most beloved social crutch. I know he's great in moderation, he has started some of my favorite friendships and relationships, and always makes me better at karaoke. 

I enjoy drinking. It's fun and there is nothing like the taste of a good beer with friends. I have decided that I am just going to make an effort to be a more conscious drinker. There is a very fine line these days between "just having a few drinks" and actually being a problem drinker. Society and the media makes it really hard to distinguish this as well. Mass consumption of alcohol is completely normalized in our society. Every time we wake up with a pounding headache and regrets, we can slowly push on our phones to see a meme that tells us that everyone is in the same, hungover boat. 

Memes are the reassuring college roommates that we seek after every night out. 

I am just sharing my story in case you have ever wanted to stop drinking for a week, two, or even more. Honestly, if I can do it, anyone can. Just try and see how you feel. Or don't. Whatever works for you. 

But...with the way things are going, maybe we should all just cut our losses and drink until North Korea decides to launch those missiles. 

Just kidding, do what you want. Just know that you can and I support you either way. 

Thoughts on Being Back Ho-me and Why it's Important Not to Lie About Being American (Even When You Want to)

Late in the evening of July 27th, which could have really been any other day at any other time, as my mind was completely jet lag spaghetti, I landed in Saigon. I waited anxiously as my name was hastily shrieked into the stale airport air, grabbed my passport, and darted out of the Tan Son Nhat.

I wanted to yell to all newcomers, "Vinasun or bust," as I made an immediate hard left, avoiding all possible taxi scams in my wake.  I pretended that the hoards of people waiting directly outside were there to greet me. "Welcome back to the chaos, girl."

My first few weeks of being back have mostly consisted of reestablishing my serious relationship with phở, getting over jetlag, seeing friends, and work. Sounds like a Rihanna song, I know. 

For the past few weeks, I have been living in a very nice one bedroom apartment provided by my school. The fun part is that the building is currently under intense construction. If you are unfamiliar with Vietnamese construction methods, please note that they usually start hammering away at 7 in the morning and continue through the early evening.  On the weekends when I just want to shut the curtains and hiss at the sun, the pounding sledge hammer prevents all nocturnal activity. "Why don't you just wear earplugs, you big baby?" Good question! That would work if the entire building didn't violently vibrate my entire bedroom...and not in a good way. Another issue with this construction is that the workers will randomly pop into my apartment without notice, whenever they damn well please. Let's be honest, does anyone really wear clothes when they live alone? Obviously some quality life time memories have arisen from this set up. 

Other awkward new apartment moments include:

*While unpacking my bags, a group of men were in my apartment installing a shower curtain rod. One of the dudes was straight up just watching me unpack my clothes while smiling, laughing, and pointing for a good five minutes. Possibly time for a new wardrobe? 

*On the first day I moved in, I went to put my groceries in the fridge, and it was FULL OF PINEAPPLES. Pineapples are definitely like 10th on my list of things I would want to find my new fridge full of. Always remember, keeping your refrigerator stocked will get you many women.

*My lovely friend Mica being awoken from the futon several times to people violently trying to enter the apartment at 7 am to fix appliances. We need to work on our timing and common decency skills here, people.


On one of my first meals out back in Saigon, I stumbled upon this lovely menu item:

Frankly, sometimes it is embarrassing to be an American and that is exacerbated when you live abroad. In America, there is no one constantly questioning where you are from and why things happen the way they do. Here, I am forced to be on the defensive end for a country that I can't seem to find the words to defend any more.

With that being said, I have never lied and said that I was Canadian like several Americans are recommended to do while traveling. Have I wanted to? Hell yes.

"Oh, America, eh? So....Trump. How did he win? Did you vote for him? What do you think he will do next? He's the worst. America messed up." These blanket questions and statements are sometimes frustrating to deal with, but they are important to confront head on. If we don't, people around the world will never hear other perspectives.

Once, in the April before the elections, I was traveling in Sri Lanka when I moseyed into a tiny jewelry store. The 21 year old woman who was giving me a henna tattoo asked me where I was from. Upon hearing my reply, she sighed and asked, "Why does everyone in your home want Donald Trump to be the president?"

She explained that she had been watching BBC and saw crowds of people holding up Trump signs and yelling. This led her to assume that all of the American people were on the Trump train. I clarified and explained that this simply was not the case. I assured her that several Americans did not want him to win and that everything would be OK (oooops, sorry lady). She solemnly said, "I just don't understand how a man with so little general knowledge could possibly be president. Sri Lanka is scared. The world is scared."

Situations like this arise all of the time. If I were to list all of the times someone questioned me about being an American, you would have stopped reading by now. 

If we Americans living or traveling abroad lie about where we are from, then we fail to be the unofficial ambassadors that the US of A so desperately needs right now. We need people to represent the aspects of our country that so often go unnoticed by others. We need the open minded travelers to claim citizenship in conversations with others so that we can teach people that there is still beauty and greatness in our world. The national parks. The music. The sports. The [majority of] humans. The landscapes. The ultimate tournaments. Target. God damn, the food. The facial hair. I have never once thought about how terrible my country is while staring at the magnificent Mt. Hood while on a hike, dancing to my favorite band at Red Rocks, or scarfing down deep dish.

I have a friend from Australia who once told me that I was the first American she met that made her realize that, "Not all Americans are bad."  Let's all be that for someone. We are not our president and it's important to remind people of that.


*In other news...

I have officially made it 1/4 weeks without consuming alcohol. Why you (and everyone who sees me not drinking) ask? My brain was basically marinating in tequila and IPAs after the Big Fat American Summer of 2017, so I decided to take a break. Luckily I have Heather to drink milkshakes  support me through this tumultuous time. Honestly, I am fine having soda lime instead, it's not like I turn into some judgment monster whilst sober. Whenever I have friends who are not drinking I am usually more jealous than anything else. I just wanted to be on the opposite side of that envy for a change.

*29*

Beer and I are fine....we're fine, really! We are just on a little break.



Also....I had major eclipse FOMO, guys.

I will leave you with this: 

Summer Lab Rat

Per usual, I have left four months in between this and my previous post. OOPS. I always have the intention of writing this thing at least once a month but then...friends and beer. Vacations and procrastination.

Anyways, bon jour . I am writing to you from inside of a proverbial rat cage in a psychology lab at "A Standard Chicago University". Earlier on in the summer, I was browsing Craigslist hoping to find a job listing titled "Hey, are you only going to be in town sporadically this summer? Looking to hang out with big dogs and cats that act like dogs who just want to cuddle? We will give you 10K! Bonus: Amazing coffee will be given to you at the beginning of every session and you will be accompanied by a handsome man with actual good intentions? Call today!" 

Alas, instead I responded to an add titled: Are you a social drinker who has occasionally smokes marijuana? Do you want to earn a reasonable amount of money? No handsome men or dogs included"

(If you live in Chicago, interested in earning some extra cash and have some free time in the evenings, hit me up and I can give you the details of this experiment) 

So here I am. The experiment? I have five sessions in a room where I am given four cups of liquid and asked to drink them in 15 minutes (average frat party timing) as I sit here for five hours while they ask me questions about my mood in 25 minute increments. These liquids could either contain a placebo or (x) (y) or (z).

So the last time I updated this blog, I was ranting about my FUCK IT year. This year has truly been the best of my entire life, however; I am about to return to the world of the zombies working class.
Truthfully, I am ecstatic to be returning to the classroom and Ho Chi Minh City, which strangely has started to feel like more of my home than anywhere else.

I am going to quickly fill you in on some pertinent details of the last few months:


March

In late March I participated in the first ever women's Australian Football game in Asia. Since it was Vietnam vs. Cambodia and I saw several friendly faces in the stands. The Cambodia Ultimate community came out to support the ladies, wahoo Cambodia Ultimate! We won the game and the boat race, which is the most important aspect, let's be honest. The party was also key because I discovered my desired attire for all events: over sized Hawaiian shirts. I once again forced myself on stage with a legit band and we managed to find decent tacos in Phnom
Penh so it was a wildly eventful weekend.



April

I feel as if most of you have seen plenty of pictures from the heaven that is Boracay Open. I've talked about it too much, so it's nothing like Fight Club...but kind of like Fight Club at the same time. You need to see it/feel it/drink it/jump off of it to really understand. As always, I encourage every single ultimate player that I know to come out for Boracay Open 2018. I honestly stand by the fact that if it doesn't live up to your expectations, I will pay for part of your ticket. Many new friends were made and several old friends ventured out for it, which means the world to me (shout out to Sarah, Ashley, Basia, Jeff, and anyone else I am forgetting).  I ate at least two meals per day at Sunnyside Cafe. I paid for two separate hotel rooms. I kissed at least a million people on my birthday. It was excellent. JUST COME GUYS.





Another beautiful tournament in April is Chiang Mai Hat. Wonderful hosts, amazing food, and colorful celebrations. To be honest, some of Songkran was a little too much for me. I truly enjoyed the celebration of the New Year and spending time super soaking folks with my friends. However; wandering out of my hotel at 9PM, not expecting to be violently soaked with moat water is a bit much...or maybe I am just plain old. I feel as if this festival can be enjoyed by young and old alike, but is possibly embraced mostly by drunk tourists. Warning: If you are wearing a Lisa Frank tank top and have blond hair you are more likely to be ferociously engulfed.  The tournament itself was fabulous. My team, Mean Girls, went undefeated but more importantly, was SO FETCH.
As per the norm in Northern Thailand, I mostly just ate Khao Soi and was oblivious to everything else (Do recommend: Women's Ex-Prisoners massages. Be careful, as often times normal in Thailand, boob massages are par the course, Ekk as a travel/food/life guide <3). #decharmedlife





#laterblog:

Now, I am not quite sure how, but I forgot a very important part of my April experience. Towards the end of April, I made the impulsive (is there any other kind?) decision to fly over to Taiwan for a few days to spend some quality time with some quality ladies. While in Boracay, I made friends with Jen, a friendly Irish (is there any other kind?) ultimate player who just happened to be traveling to Taiwan in a few weeks following the tournament. Jen is one of those people who I instantly wanted to tell me entire life story to over beers while dancing on the beach so I figured wandering around Taiwan together would be a fabulous idea. Speaking of friends that I immediately clicked with, it just so happens that my beautiful friend Jo lives in Taiwan. Shout out for the couch spot! Even though Jo and her awesome roomie were doing the Whole 30, I was a jerk and ate of the delicious street food in front of them.

Jen and I met up in Hualien to see the ever so gorge-ous Toroko Gorge. I will let the pictures speak for themselves.

  


When I wasn't busy eating at Din Tai Fung, I made it a point to soak in all of Taiwan's magic. It's a wonderful, delicious country full of dumplings, bubble tea and dumplings...I mean friends. I shall be back.

May

In May, I came home for my oldest friend's wedding. It was a beautiful day and most importantly, she passed out Old Navy flip flops as a take home gift during the dancing portion of the night. Everyone should probably start doing this. The night of her wedding, I learned a very crucial lesson: I am terrible at gambling. I lost 30 dollars and I don't think I will ever gamble again as I pretty much only ever have 30 dollars.

May also marked the first time that my feet graced the seemingly perfect Canadian grass. I instantly felt safer as I stepped onto the lands of our friendly neighbors. Poutine, actual gun laws, Justin T, Tim Horton's...what's not to love? We took a ferry over to Victoria and then eventually ended up in Vancouver, where I could definitely see myself living if I somehow inherited millions of dollars from an old, undiscovered uncle. One of my favorite moments from that trip was spent laying in the grass, eating fresh fruit from the Vancouver market as a man's loyal golden retriever came up to us, looking to for some lovin'. The man simply said, "Hey, can you guys hold my dog for a few minutes?" and disappeared. Would this happen in America? I think not. I was hoping he would never return, as I could definitely use a new pup, but the trusty Canadian dog owner reemerged with a bowl of water and we hesitantly gave him up. I will forever remember Canada as a land of yurts, friendly dogs, breathtaking views, and fantastic beer.






June

 I spent early June in Chicago, seeing friends and eating some much needed deep dish pizza. I also had the chance to play in my first Poultry Days tournament with the SO ILL alumn team which is always a pleasure. Camping out with my favorite dudes and ladies while surrounded by tents full of ultimate folks was truly something of dreams. I would wish that all weekends could be spent this way, but I might be dead as a result. Winner, winner chicken dinner. So many chicken puns!




Later I spent some much needed time up in Western Michigan with my family and slept at my favorite house in the world. We helped my cousin move, spent time at the beach, and just relaxed while looking at the lake (If you are ever in Grand Haven Michigan stop at Oddside ales, such good beer).




Late June was spent driving back to Portland in a moving van. A bittersweet trip that pried my eyes open to the obvious fact that dating isn't only hard in Asia. Despite this, I had a lovely time hiking, seeing my BFF Anna in Seattle, and spending [not enough] time at Potlatch with a super team of chingus, and going to a fabulous wedding. Portland's breweries and 4th of July fireworks did not disappoint either. I will inevitably look back on this time spent in the PNW fondly.



July

Returning to the Midwest has only solidified the fact that I am happy to know and love the best group of people that anyone could ask for. My parents refused to let me take an Uber home from the airport and picked me up at Midway at 1 AM. Nights at Summer Fest, late brunches, and dancing in Pilsen chased by tacos made my apathetic feelings temporarily disappear. It's easy to get discouraged sometimes, but not with friends like mine. Thanks guys. All of you.





I officially have two more weeks left in the US of A. Bring on Sandblast!

While I am mildly sad to leave, I am mostly filled with excitement to return to the mean streets of Saigon with a new perspective on living life in HCMC. I am ready to phokin' do this.





Feelin' some Rupi this and every day


Stay tuned!

Also, if you feel like watching some thangs:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJmpSMRQhhs


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjCebKn4iic 



Or listening to some thangs:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORnjmddtnH0


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-Dur3uXXCQ

(Don't hate, this new Ke$ha song is legit)


Talk to you soon, on the other side of the world.

My F*ck it Year

"Hi Jess, do you have a job? What is going on with you lately? You are too broke to travel, right?"

You may recall that I was forced to leave my job in Thailand in November due to an unexpected mishap (the school decided to stop paying teachers). It was after this that I decided that 2017 was going to be my fuck it year. This is kind of like a gap year, with no florescent tank tops. We shall call it a one year retirement, with far less money.

So, I embraced my joblems and I resolved to use this year to take a little more time for myself to enjoy the places that I would normally only rush through for the weekend. I got to scarf down more street food. I had the chance to nourish friendships that would have otherwise just scratched the surface. Did I go into more debt? YOU BETCHA. However, I would rather have travel debt than a house, a car, or a baby at this life juncture (not hating on those things, it's just not for me right now).  I am not recommending debt to anyone but there comes a point where you're just like, "OK, well I already paid like 3 billion dollars for my average college education, what's one billion more?" To be honest, I also just don't even feel like the world is real anymore so fuck it. Traveling for this year was my house, my car, my baby.

Now, I know what you must be thinking. How irresponsible! You don't have a job AND you are going to travel...more?! The funny thing is, we are brought up to feel unbearably unsuccessful when we don't have a full time job. Most people are immediately unable to comprehend being content without a job. In America, success is almost exclusively defined by how much money you make and how much time you spend at work. It's almost as if vacation time is viewed as a weakness. In fact, I have actually heard people bragging about NOT taking their vacation days. I would accuse these people of missing the point of life entirely. We should welcome breaks into our lives and accept them as necessary.  Now, I am not trying to discredit hard work and I understand that some humans are meant for the rat race, but we should really stop assuming that everyone falls into this category. We should allow for the definition of success to be determined by the person pursuing their goals, not by societal norms. Why is it only socially acceptable to take time off at the end of our lives?

Think about it. What is a more likely question when someone inquires you about your job:

"How much money are you making?" OR "Are you actually enjoying yourself?"

Anyways, as a teacher, it isn't especially easy to acquire a job in late November. You know, because the hiring process for new teachers usually begins as early as OCTOBER of the previous year. So, I made a decision that I was going to go back to Saigon for a while and substitute teach while tutoring online. Was it a full time job? NO. Did I take a lot of time off? YES. I also made the very stupid financial, but socially intelligent decision to go home for a month over the holidays. Here lies Jess Daniels: Really bad at financial decisions, great at socializing, best at spending money on tacos. 

Here are some things that I've been up to so far this year:

January. 

So, I was home from late December to January, and this time I made an effort to stay in Chicago. Whenever I am back in America, I usually feel the urgency of my impending departure and make it a a point to see all of my friends. I have never really been the type of person to say "no" if a friend invites me to come stay with them in a cool city  to anything.

Staying home until the end of January meant that I was able stick around for Lei Out, which is an ultimate tournament that I have always missed out on---thanks a lot Asia! I rarely make it to US tournaments these days (with the exception of Sandblast. MHC Power!). The weekend started with a trip to Universal Studios with some of my favorite humans. Unfortunately, this was also the day that the world started its inevitable downward spiral towards a fiery demise, aka Inauguration Day. What better way to forget the world around you than to spend it at Moe's Tavern and Hogwarts? Wait? That wasn't really Hogwarts?! Accio my money back.

Anywho, I knew the tournament was going to be a success when I first opened the door to our hotel room. Sure, it was a $400 a night room on the Santa Monica Pier, but let's not fool ourselves--we are still so far from being actual adults (see: Fireball handle for breakfast on table). The charm of the room was obviously deeply rooted in the fact that 11 of my friends from home were staying there. Who needs bed space when you can sleep on shoes and empty beer cans instead?  The nostalgia for my old college ultimate days rang in the air, as I started silently reminiscing about shoving 14 people into a dingy Motel 8 room, sneaking around to get the free ice (but still doing lay out drills in the pool, because that's not suspicious behavior).



The wonder of Lei Out is the sheer size of it all. Sure, it was nearly impossible to find anyone you intended to meet up with at the party, but that just made it even more thrilling to randomly bump into them at a bar or on the street corner. Lei Out is so huge that it feels like that for an entire weekend, Santa Monica is comprised of solely ultimate playas (if only::deep sigh::). This leads me to the question, why haven't we devised a plan for an Ultimate only society, like a nudist colony but with... possibly more nudity?

Of course, for the weekend of Lei Out, it was colder in Santa Monica than in Chicago. Thanks, climate change...(wait am I allowed to say that?) It was so windy on Saturday that the seagulls couldn't even fly straight. My team was amazing despite the weather. I picked up with a team of Lewis and Clark alumni (thanks Dharma). They adopted me as their own Lisa Frank pup and shared all of the cooler drinks and stickers with me. On the Sunday, virtually no one played as it was too cold, rainy, and windy. The bars became our fields and the day was spent drinking mimosas and singing karaoke while eating nachos. If all days were spent like this one I would be...obese. Obese but happy. (Shout out to Shazad for helping me break our previously held "time spent at a bar" record at Cabo. Sorry Three Aces, Cabo is in the lead).

Side lesson learned in January:  

PSA for any of my single American expat friends,

If you haven't been back to America since doomsday, beware. It is now essential to ask people who they voted for before engaging in any sort of "romantic" behavior. I know we don't tend to run into Trump supporters abroad, so this is a scary thought, I know. Be vigilant.

I will never kiss anyone who voted for Donald Trump(ever again). (Written Bart Simpson chalkboard style) 

February

I came back to Vietnam and was immediately concerned about a few things. Where would I live? When is the next tournament that I can't afford but will inevitably go to anyway?

Before playing in Bangkok Hat, my PIESF* Heather and I, went to Northern Thailand. We ventured to Chiang Mai and Pai and I was thrilled to be there as it made my recent attempts to stop eating animals easier than anywhere I have found in Asia.




Bangkok Hat was a test to see if I was still able to survive running around in 95 degree heat for two days, hungover, and with a bum knee. As always, it was nice to see friends from around Asia while eating Khao Soi and drinking buckets on the sidelines. As a bonus, I got to watch the Superbowl with some super cool dudes who appreciate both football and Gaga.

I was also coerced into playing rugby in February. Now, let me tell you, I have never played a contact sport in my life. Whilst playing ultimate in Asia I am constantly afraid to run into people as I once literally knocked a girl down to the point where she had trouble breathing. So I was hesitant to play, but what Heather wants, Heather gets. I can say this about rugby: tackling girls is a great way to get out all of my frustrations.

Quick March Highlights





*Phnom Penh was a heart lifting tournament as always. If you ever want some insight into why the Asian Ultimate community is so fucking amazing, it would be a great idea to come to BPPPPH. I was surprised to learn at the Friday night party that I would be captaining a team and laughed out loud at the thought. I love ultimate but I am definitely not the most skilled or knowledgeable of players. I am one of those weirdos who still likes to play for fun. This is really my fault as I usually only go to hat tournaments and fail to practice as much as I should because my knee acts up far too much for sprinting (#old). That's what I love about Asian Ultimate though, there really is something for everyone. I did the college ultimate thing and did my competitive thang, but my adult life is reserved for the competitive fun. Regardless, my team ended up being a bunch of super heroes and we went undefeated the entire weekend. What mattered most to me though was that everyone was very patient and helpful. We were all captains! Everyone rocked and the weekend was extremely solid overall (I also had a sinus infection so props to everyone for dealing with a captain who had no voice).

*Insert more awkward rugby playing*

*Pressure keg-If you want to see humans turn on each other in a matter of hours, put 50 of them in a room and offer a free keg. The keg is only free until someone HAS to leave to go to the bathroom. Humans turn to savages when you threaten their access to free beer. I was truly convinced that they were going to throw a rapid dog in the mix to add to the suspense.


Annnnnd, that's all folks. Tune in next time for some insight on my future life decisions.


PS. I WILL BE HOME IN MAY (for a short time).

I have a very important wedding to attend.

No, not my own silly. 

*Partner In Eating Street Food

I wasn't sure whether to get in, or to run away.

Happy 2017! I am currently in Chicago sitting in my favorite coffee shop, reveling in the cold hoodie weather which will only be a part of my reality for two more weeks. I know it's 11 days after January 1st, but ask your friends, yourself, or your favorite bartender about the highs and lows of 2016. It is really an interesting exercise that helps you get to know your lovers, friends, and Uber Drivers. Anywho, I recently stumbled upon this post that I started writing while I was still living in Thailand so I thought I would share. 

                                                 (But first, here is picture of me at my coolest) 

One dismal, quiet afternoon in mid May, I was mindlessly scrolling through Instagram like the 28 year old robot that I am, when I discovered that Lena Dunham was coming out with a new collection of words. I say words because it is not so much a book as it is a compilation of entries from her 2005 diary. She deemed it her Creative Snippets and Observations Journal. Now, I have followed Lena's career, successes, and Instagram feed since I became wrapped up in her show Girls back in 2012.  Girls was the first show that made me feel like it was OK not to have your shit completely together after college. Plopping down on the couch on a Sunday night to watch the characters make similar mistakes to my own has always helped me sleep easier (This isn't in the way that those memes about eating pizza alone in your apartment make you feel better either. It feels more real, like you could run into one of these girls while waiting in line for plan B). One of the major criticisms that I've heard about Girls is, "All of the characters are deplorable."  I do not disagree with this statement; however, I think that is an integral part of the show's charm. You would never proudly proclaim, "I'm a Marnie! I'm a Jessa!" the way you might do with a similar show focusing on four single ladies in New York. The characters' flaws are what make this show so insanely identifiable and refreshing. Would you rather shop for expensive shoes and go to a tiny dog gala OR would you rather watch your friend self destruct outside of a cupcake shop in a mesh tank top on a Wednesday night? I digress. 

Basically, I respect and adore Lena Dunham and was psyched when she came out with, Is it Evil Not to Be Sure? In publishing excerpts from her college diary, Lena's goal was to encourage everyone to write more, even if that means only in short spurts. My goal by writing this post is to do the same for the small group of people who have stumbled upon it. 

"...It would be my belief that young people, young women in particular, must commit their experiences to paper. If for no other reason than this: only you will ever have these particular experiences and we won't want to have lost them after you go...but you may also find, as I did, that the sentences might become the planks that form a raft that drags you ashore, wet and gasping on the welcome beach." 

(For more info read : http://www.lennyletter.com/life/a391/is-it-evil-an-excerpt-from-lenas-college-diary/) 

Here are some of my favorite Lena thoughts: 

"Being in a pet store with him it felt like every animal we saw was our child, but that was probably just me." 

"A boy shared his umbrella with me and I got his name wrong and I loved being able to feel powerful in those two ways."

"I would kiss you, but only if I was sure that afterward you would go away forever."

This little gem of insight inspired me to start writing down short sentences and observations from my time as a late twenty something-or-other, weaving my way in and out of Southeast Asia.  Some of the sentences that I have found myself writing over the past year still surprise even me. Similar to a picture, each simple thought has the ability to bring me back to the exact time, place, and experience. 

Here are a few of my thoughts that are appropriate enough for the internets: 

Before I had time to answer, the old man outside of my apartment was putting suction cups on my back. 

A large man at the Korean gym told me that he was a personal trainer and proceeded to hold my hand while we walked side by side on the treadmill. I realized he wasn't a trainer when he asked if he could come take a shower at my apartment. 

3 AM is not the best time to get on the back of a motorbike driven by a Vietnamese man on meth. 

We were listening to Nicki Minaj sing about her ass in an air-conditioned truck while several old women carried heavy water buckets up a steep hill. I turned down the volume. 


I was in the middle of the street, the motorbike that hit us didn't even stop. All of the shop owners were pointing and staring at me but no one helped. 


Pho is meditation with flavor.

The assistant manager of the hotel sat me down on the roof, started playing Celine Dion songs and talked about the romance of the moon.

Continuing to see him was like forcing myself to read the full story under a tragic headline in the newspaper. 

America is one big bar tab. 

I was walking down my severely uneven street before the wedding with cup of wine in hand. A tiny shop owner made me sit down and fed me street pancakes. 

My Malaysian taxi driver sighed as he told me that he can't take his family to New York anymore. "Donald Trump ruined that option for us." 


I wasn't sure whether to get in, or to  run away. 

Waiting in the skeleton bones of a shack on the water in Borneo, not sure of if our taxi would ever come. 


ANYWAYS, 

My goal of this post is to encourage anyone who is reading this to write a little more in 2017. I don't mean write a Facebook or a Twitter post. I think there is something really special about writing in a journal or on paper. It truly is amazing to look back on the people we were at a certain point in our lives. These small sentences are a great way to start. Do it or don't, but I hope you do. 


I hope everyone is having a lovely year so far. Here is an important update on my life: 

Misadventures After a Failed Attempt at Island Life

So, understandably, I have been getting a lot of messages from my friends and family asking me, "What the damn hell is going on with you?" My mother recently sent me a text asking, "Where are you? Malaysia? Manila? " I didn't quite know how to answer because I felt like I was kind of in both. As many of you have probably gathered, my job in Thailand didn't exactly pan out. You know what they say: "Sometimes you take a job on a Thai island and it works out, and sometimes it doesn't." Oh, no one says that? That's just a phrase I made up to make myself feel better? OK well regardless, let's continue.

When I took this job in Ko Samui, I was extremely eager to sneakily slide back into Asia, like a teenager through the window after curfew--as if I had never left.  I was almost back to the desperation levels of 2011 Jess, who motivated by a crippling case of "British man broke my cold dead heart," sought out work as a (near) indentured servant in a South Korean Hagwon. I continued to assure myself that this job in Thailand would work out. How could it not? Sure, the pay was lousy and I had to fund my own flight, but what could go wrong? There was a school website! I had the word of people that I barely knew about the school. What else did I need? I wanted to get back to Asia, and in that moment, I accepted a job I knew little about. When my logical friends questioned my sanity before leaving, I exclaimed, "I would work on that island for free!" Little did I know that I would soon be eating my words like pad see ew.

Soon after I arrived, it became apparent that my school no longer had the funds to pay us. It may sound crazy to those of you who live in the Western world, as we have unions and other such things protecting our teachers. I am sure those of you who have worked internationally before are all shaking your heads, either remembering a time that you fell victim to this, or at least knowing someone who has. As the days wore on, I soon became more stressed out living on an island than I had been in a large, congested city. The morale of the staff was at an all time low. I was sad that I never got the chance to see the school when it was thriving, because I'm sure it was an excellent place to work. It really is a shame. I adored my students. Living across from the ocean wasn't too shabby.  Above all else, I really enjoyed my group of friends on the island. They took me in on day number one and adopted me as their own weird, little bear cub. I am eternally grateful for this.  This particular group of teachers is truly special, dedicated in a way that I have not yet seen. They continuously work day in and day out, even without the promise of a pay date. If I were a person who could work for free--believe me, I would have stayed. Unfortunately, I am unable to go without a paycheck. I have bills. I have student loans. I need to get paid for working. I am sure most of you would agree with me on this one. With all of this being said, I truly believe that no experience is ever really wasted if you come out of it with good friends.

I am currently sitting in my friend's apartment in Kuala Lumpur, recovering from a three day ultimate tournament in Manila. I was astonished that I was able to take my mind off of the job situation AND the election results for three entire days. My constant state of mourning was put on a brief hold. I think ultimate has this effect on most people.  Shout out to my team, who managed to make me smile for (almost) the entirety of the weekend. What a special group of weirdos. #TDD

For now, my plans are very up in the air, as they tend to be. Desperation leads to greatness, right? The situation in Thailand led me to find a second job tutoring Chinese students online. This job is clutch because I can work remotely. I am heading back to Vietnam to substitute teach and work online. Frankly, I am excited to have some more free time in Asia. Will this work out? Will it be forever? Will January bring the apocalypse? Time will tell. I like to look at all of my misadventures as more chapters for my book. Did I ever think that at 28 (and a half) I would be essentially jobless, wandering around Southeast Asia with one suitcase? Probably not, but that is what keeps life interesting.

Please don't see this post as a call for help. I am simply trying to be authentic and tell you that not all Thai island jobs work out. Surprising, I know. For every perfect sunset on Instagram, there are at least 25 pictures that were blurry first. Ya feel me?

Stay tuned for my next post which will hopefully be about how I won the Vietnamese lottery and fell in love with the man of my dreams. (Hey, ya never know)

Love ya lovers, friends, and those who fall into neither category.

JESS

(Probably my favorite teacher moment to date. My 16 year old boys--counter strike obsessed students--wrote me full length cards to say goodbye) 

PS. Shout out to all of my friends who have helped me along the way during this crazy transitional time. I'll get you back one way or another. 

Successfully Failing at Life in the USA

Well folks, I wish that I had a good excuse for not sitting down and writing anything in blog form for the past six months, but I don't. Every time I sit down to write, my fingers magically type N-E-T-F-L-I-X and Californication starts playing for three full hours. It's so strange. I know that you have all been sitting on the edge of your seats, chomping on your finger nails waiting for this post, so I abandoned Hank Moody for a few minutes to type some words. PS- New name, same blog. It might change at any moment, like most of my decisions. 

As many of you know, I recently failed miserably at sustaining life back in the US of A. I had all of these ambitious plans to start attempting to lead a life that might get me back on that normal life timeline that is expected of us Americans, but then I just decided---once again--that it is still not for me. Simple as that. I'm not trying to shame anyone who is totally succeeding at that lifestyle. Good for you guys! It's just not my jam. Do I get semi jealous when I step into a nicely arranged, adult apartment with actual Yankee candles and a fancy coffee machine? Yep (One of my friends who has her shit together apologized to me for not having a nice enough knife to cut the food that she lovingly prepared for me with. I laughed and said, "I don't even own one knife. How can I possibly judge the caliber of knives you are providing me with?") Now, it could be argued that I didn't really give the land of the free a long enough chance to win me over this time. I didn't even wait around for the fall leaves to crunch under my feet, for the entire free world to turn into a pumpkin, or for me to get an Instagram picture at the apple orchard in my over-sized flannel.

It only took about two days of being back home to realize that I needed to go back to Asia. The reverse culture shock hit fast and hard. One major thing that really started to bug me about being home was the advertisements. I never realized how big of a problem it was until I left and came back. Everyone is trying to sell you something, and not only something, but the biggest and best something! "Do you want a cheeseburger? OK! How about we add three more patties and make it cheaper! $0.99 for four patties! Do you need a hose? Make it the biggest and most expensive one! How about a new truck? You need the flashiest one on the road! Buy today and save on a super sized fry holder! Put a down payment on new tile floors from Menards! Only $399 for six months and you get added matching curtains!" I think you probably know this about me but I don't know if I will ever be someone who puts a down payment on anything---let alone tile from Menards. Watching ads is tiring. So much of these ads stress the importance of "stuff" and I am not big on owning stuff. Even if I were into stuff, I couldn't afford it anyway...shout out to student loans! 

Other weird things about being home (I'm starting to get lazy now, hence the list) 

-Being able to understand what everyone is saying. Frankly, it's a burden. Especially troublesome are the conversations in which parents are screaming at their kids or when the youths are discussing anything at all...JK they just sit across from each other and text  LMFAO AF 

-The "no gun" stickers literally everywhere. I thought that there were places where it should just be assumed but apparently the American public has made it necessary to hang these stickers in places like the gym, the YMCA, Whole Foods,etc. I can just see all of the white suburban mothers with their handguns parading the aisles of Whole Foods in an attempt to get the last pack of gluten free pumpkin muffins. 

-I was watching an ad for what I thought was a boxing match and it turned out to be a campaign ad. Is this a joke? Wait...

-The ridiculous prices. I think this is a given but holy shit! Can't a girl get a beer for less than $9 anymore? 

-Talking to new people can be hard without the commonality of travel.

- "You can have a giant burrito with fries for $3 or a small salad for $25. Don't get fat though! This country has an insane standard of beauty even though we insist on feeding you crap. Look at this billboard of a model while you eat that burrito!" 

-Everyone is still really concerned for my poor, single soul. When I meet up with old friends, the first question I usually get asked is, "Soooooo is there someone special? Are you nervous you won't find someone?" If I was really that worried, I wouldn't be living in Asia where white women are basically invisible garbage. Why don't you ask me something about my travel experience or my job? That would be greeeeeat. 

-Friends tend to say things like, "You can never leave this country again! We are going to hang out every single day!" Upon saying this, they will require that I drive hours to see them or will never make the effort when I am home. I think me being in the country tends to be more of a comfort for people. 

-Donald Trump has actually gotten this far. C'mon select American humans. You're making us look bad all over the world. 

Now please don't get me wrong, there are a few foods things in America that I would be absolutely lost without. My friends and family still rock. I will never get enough of them. My dad and I walked to the coffee shop every single morning that I was sleeping at my childhood home and he is still the best person on the planet. My mom still bakes the best cookies this side of the tracks and always gets sad when I leave. It's nice having one of my brothers at home because it feels like we are back to being kids--but with beers!  I love wandering in and out of taco joints around Pilsen at 3 AM to find the best guacamole, drinking beers on patios, stoops, porches with my ultimate Chicago dude crew, being able to pet strangers' Golden Retrievers without fear of contracting an illness, hiking the gorgeous mountains in Colorado, live music, kayaking with my old ultimate ladies in South Dakota, accessibility to quality cheese and meats in the Wisconsin gas stations, wandering aimlessly around Target, camping and drinking crappy college grade beer under the stars, road trips...the list goes on. However, as my good friend Emily Flanders used to say, the juice just wasn't worth the squeeze.

I have been in Ko Samui, Thailand for about a month now. You have probably seen the annoying sunset pictures. Life is simple here and that's how I like it. I drive my motorbike less than five minutes to work every day. I get to swim in the pool or in the ocean when it's not jellyfish season whenever I feel like it. I eat the shit out of all the cheap Thai food I want. I have made some stellar new friends and I even started doing Crossfit...don't worry I will never mention it again. I really love my students at the new school. It's a small school, but it feels more like the mom and pop shop to the corporation I was last at. I really enjoy working for people that are so passionate about the school. 

Do I miss home? Of course I do. I even had to miss my beautiful cousin's wedding to come here. I had a good cry looking at all of the pictures. That stuff sucks and it's never easy.

Do I miss Vietnam? Of course, especially the pho, the pay, and the people. However, right now, I am somewhere new and I'm happy that I made another one of my impulsive decisions...for me, right now it is a much better choice than new tile floors. 

Adios amigos! As always, you are encouraged to come visit me. Thailand is beautiful. See? 

Don't you just love pictures of feet?

My new backyard

                                                  The real reason I can't make it in America...

Some good tunes:

http://www.npr.org/event/music/137392548/the-civil-wars-tiny-desk-concert?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=nprmusic&utm_term=music&utm_content=20160925

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxyBhnbV77E&list=PLY4gRtK2vPT2QUarsreKW1kKC0d2PPYeC